Things My Children Will Never Do, #193

Scene:

{int. Olive Garden restaurant; crowded with people waiting for tables}

HEATHER: Oh my gosh, that kid almost punched his dad in the crotch.

{Jon, Ben & Amy turn their heads to see child, apx. 8 years old, in confrontation with his father. They overhear and observe...}

OBSCENELY BRATTY YET ADMITTEDLY ARTICULATE CHILD: Get your hands off me!

DAD: ...

O.B.Y.A.A.C.: I'm gonna punch you! I already told you twice!

DAD: ...

O.B.Y.A.A.C.: What more do you want from me?!

DEFEATED LOOKING MOM BEING CLIMBED ON BY TWO DAUGHTERS: ...

DAD: ...

{Fade out.}

______________________________

No, seriously. That happened. We watched it go down this past weekend when we went to Olive Garden with J&H. Shocked, the four of us discussed how we would have been bodily carried from the restaurant by our parents at the first shade of such behavior. And honestly, I wouldn't ever have even dreamed to talk to my parents that way, let along take a swing at one of them. I guess, I... I don't know, respected them?! Shocking! On the one hand, I felt bad for his parents, but on the other... good grief, how regular an occurrence is his behavior that it literally warranted ZERO reaction from them? The dad was restraining the kid's hands and I guess he was telling him to stop it, but... just... wow.

So, added to the list of things my children will never do (have a computer in their room, enter child beauty pageants, become Cubs fans) is threaten me with physical violence in the lobby of an Olive Garden.

Although, upside to the situation, we walked away with a sweet new catchphrase: "I'm gonna punch you. I already told you twice." To be used in an enraged voice for mock-threats. Ex:

"Ben, take out the trash or I'm gonna punch you. I already told you twice."