Driving: It's Just Not That Hard (Part IV)

Okay. I haven't done these for a while because I got a lot of the stuff that annoys me most off my chest in parts one, two, and three of this series that I wrote in past entries. But today I was reminded of one more thing that people get wrong like 95% of the time and it just KILLS ME.

Here it is. In a nutshell. One sentence.

Flashing yellow traffic lights do NOT MEAN STOP.

In fact, they mean you have the right-of-way and you should NOT STOP. If they wanted you to stop, they would put flashing red lights. But that is what the cross street of the intersection has. If you see flashing yellow, it just means "Hey, heads up, lookout, because this is not functioning like a normal stoplight so you need to be aware and use caution." FOR THE LOVE OF MERCY IT DOESN'T MEAN STOP. This is a big deal because it makes the intersection unsafe when people who aren't supposed to stop do. Everyone gets (even more) confused and we all know that's no good.

Flashing red means stop, just like at a stop sign. It is at your own peril that you maneuver into the intersection and the crossing traffic is NOT required to stop for you and let you out.

I don't know if it is a problem around here because people genuinely don't know what it means, or if people feel like the polite thing to do is stop and let others out?! I mean, look at it this way. If there was no traffic light at all, you wouldn't feel obliged to make way for cross traffic. So don't do it now. This means, sorry flashing red people. Tough luck. You're on your own. Godspeed.

Now if all four sides have flashing red, that means you treat it just like a four way stop. Everyone stops and gives everyone else their proper turn, and right-of-way applies.

I made up a little rhyme to help everyone remember how it works. Just think of this the next time you approach an intersection with flashing traffic lights.

Flashing red, stop or you might be dead.
Flashing yellow, don't stop or I swear I will get out of my car and punch you.

Things My Children Will Never Do, #193

Scene:

{int. Olive Garden restaurant; crowded with people waiting for tables}

HEATHER: Oh my gosh, that kid almost punched his dad in the crotch.

{Jon, Ben & Amy turn their heads to see child, apx. 8 years old, in confrontation with his father. They overhear and observe...}

OBSCENELY BRATTY YET ADMITTEDLY ARTICULATE CHILD: Get your hands off me!

DAD: ...

O.B.Y.A.A.C.: I'm gonna punch you! I already told you twice!

DAD: ...

O.B.Y.A.A.C.: What more do you want from me?!

DEFEATED LOOKING MOM BEING CLIMBED ON BY TWO DAUGHTERS: ...

DAD: ...

{Fade out.}

______________________________

No, seriously. That happened. We watched it go down this past weekend when we went to Olive Garden with J&H. Shocked, the four of us discussed how we would have been bodily carried from the restaurant by our parents at the first shade of such behavior. And honestly, I wouldn't ever have even dreamed to talk to my parents that way, let along take a swing at one of them. I guess, I... I don't know, respected them?! Shocking! On the one hand, I felt bad for his parents, but on the other... good grief, how regular an occurrence is his behavior that it literally warranted ZERO reaction from them? The dad was restraining the kid's hands and I guess he was telling him to stop it, but... just... wow.

So, added to the list of things my children will never do (have a computer in their room, enter child beauty pageants, become Cubs fans) is threaten me with physical violence in the lobby of an Olive Garden.

Although, upside to the situation, we walked away with a sweet new catchphrase: "I'm gonna punch you. I already told you twice." To be used in an enraged voice for mock-threats. Ex:

"Ben, take out the trash or I'm gonna punch you. I already told you twice."