Golden Globes Fashion, Y'all!

The Golden Globes were Sunday night and thankfully this year there was lots and lots to look at on the red carpet! Trends seemed to be colors (lots of pink/red, lots of green) and sparkles head-to-toe. This is fine by me because I just love shiny things and sequined goodness. One please-don't-let-this-be-a-trend was shoulder pads.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. TO THE DRESSES!!

BLACK AND BLUE

I really loved this dress worn by Melissa Leo. All-over black sequins could just be standard sexy, but with the square neckline and little cap sleeves it had a sweet element to it. I'd wear it, and really isn't that what this is all about?

Julia Stiles, we don't see you out much. This dress is maybe a little safe, but tasteful and elegant are never out-of-style. It flatters her figure and is just pretty.

Eva Longoria, also in basic black. Not that exciting, not that daring, but she looks good. And for someone so tiny, surprisingly tall. Something to be said for a dress that fits like a glove.

I don't understand the trend of having a fabric pouf bigger than your head sprouting out of your dress. Yet for some reason, I still like this on Amy Adams here. She looks gorgeous in jewel tones like this beautiful blue. I'm also grateful that the texture of the bodice doesn't continue down the rest of the dress, which would make it way too busy.

This is a great, punchy color, but I think maybe I wish Mandy Moore had her hair up? It seems to be competing with the one-shoulder netting. Or maybe I wish there was no netting?

Tina-na-na. On TV during the show, I kinda liked this. In the harsh light of day, I'm wondering, is this made of navy crushed velvet?! Surely not. But man it looks like it. And the fluttery sleeves, which I also liked on TV, are making her look a little broad. I'm torn. I'm not torn on her hair, which is very pretty, and her earrings, which are also very pretty.

SAD SACKS or DISHWATER IS NOT A COLOR

Milla Jovavich is/was a supermodel. Why this incredibly unflattering pageant gown?

Peeling, decrepit wallpaper never looked better, Julie Bowen. I mean worse. The word "molting" comes to mind.

I don't even... no. Leighton Meester is notorious for bad fashion, but usually it is at least entertaining. This dress is just making me depressed.

Oh Michelle. Drew Barrymore (circa 1993) called. She wants her dress back. Everyone expected you to bring it. We should perhaps have specified that the "it" in reference was one of awesome fashionable-ness. Not sad taupe daisy fluttery saggy "it."

PRETTIES (AND SOME NOT SO MUCH) IN PINK (AND RED) (ALSO PEACH/CORAL/ORANGE)

Sofia Vergara from the front: a nice enough dress, figure-hugging, good color.

Sofia Vergara from the side/back: WHYYYY are so many things happening right now? A train, possibly with a wrinkly bustle. A sash. And grommets? And is the the sash tying the grommet part on? There's a fine line between "interesting details" and "just tacking stuff on for no reason."

I keep going back and forth on this one. I love that Natalie Portman wore a maternity dress that actually showed her adorable bumpage, as opposed to sack dresses hiding it. I think she looks pretty in pink. But all-over pink satin with a big sappy red rose and matchy red shoes is... I don't know. You can't tell in this photo, but I also thought the front hem was a weird length. Maybe if the stem of the rose was longer and wrapped around or something? Maybe if the rose was smaller? Maybe if it was a different color?

Heather called it during our personal live-blogging (aka Gmail Chat) last night. Me: "What is up with Lea Michele? I just see flashes of peach and ruffles." Heather: "Peaches and Cream Barbie?" Upon further inspection, the answer to that was YES. With a dash of Prom, 1985.

Do you think the two leading ladies of Mad Men got together and both decided to wear fire-engine red? Do you think January Jones was like, "I'll wear this super-duper-sexy Jessica Rabbit fringed number where I show lots of skin but somehow still manage to look retro glam gorgeous? And you'll wear a red satin body stocking with a huge satin ruffleplosion right by your face that competes with your red hair, which you will wear really awful and frizzy?"

I guess so. Christina Hendricks, I would've hoped you'd put up a bigger fight about that.

I really liked this whole look from Claire Danes. A great color on her, and so simple and chic. Plus, I feel really really cool that I said to the TV, before they asked her who she was wearing, "That dress looks like Calvin Klein." And I was RIGHT. Fashion points to meeeee.

Kyra Sedgwick is 45 years old and homegirl looks GOOD. Her hair and jewelry are perfect, and this dress is flirty and fresh. It's a great, great color that no one else was wearing and few women could pull off. But mostly I wanted to post about her as a segue to my favorite commercial currently airing, featuring a "fan" obsessed with her husband Kevin Bacon:

We now return to our regularly scheduled fashion blogging.

WHICH PERSON NAMED JULIANNE/A LOOKED WORSE?

First up, we have Julianne Moore, in this crumpled hot-pink satin monstrosity that simultaneously makes her look like she has no waist AND no neck.

Not to be outdone, here we have Julianna Margulies in a black bandeau top with a pink sheet tied around her waist. She's gunning for the lead with ugly black shoes and completely undone hair and makeup. Which one will YOU choose?!

BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD, ALL OF YOU

Dear Scarlett Johansson, I do not think THIS should be the inspiration for a red-carpet look. Ever. I would have given you a passing grade for the dress if (A) it was a color and (B) it DID NOT HAVE SHOULDER PADS. SHOULDER PADS MAKE ME GO ALL-CAPS KANYE STYLE.

Uh-uh. No, Sandra. No ma'am. Not those heavy bangs (wig, please let it be a wig), not this sad droopy dress.

Halle Berry, this is baaaaaad. Real bad. Mariah-Carey-levels-of-age-inappropriateness-bad. You are almost 45 years old. Spanx bodysuit with a sheer waist-cape train? Put it away.

BELLATRIX LESTRANGE! KILL HER! AVADA KEDAVRA! Seriously though, one of the most hated villainous witches of all time wouldn't be caught dead in this outfit. Think about that, Helena. You just think about that.

I don't even know, J. Lo. You're you, so somehow you are pulling this off? Even though "this" is a sheer bedazzled cape?

You guys, WHAT is going ON with Christina Aguilera? I'd cut a girl some slack when said girl is going through a divorce. But when said girl is the one who did the (alleged) cheating and breaking up and is already stepping out with the new boy-toy on your arm and is a celebrity armed with staffers whose only job is to make her healthy food and force her to work out or at the very least to dress her so she doesn't look like a bloated lace-encased mess? That's asking for more slack than I'm able to give at the present time.

GREEN GODDESSES

Angelina Jolie! Smiling! And wearing a vivid color! Plus sequins! This is another dress that I really loved were it not for the %&$#@@# SHOULDER PADS OH NO HERE COME THE CAPS AGAIN.

Elisabeth Moss, yes on the color. But I'm not sure about the overwrought bodice pleating, which is giving the illusion that it is too big across your stomach/hips and too tight across your thighs. Have I mentioned I love your earrings?

Another overworked bodice on Mila Kunis here. I appreciate the detail of the texture, but like Elisabeth, don't you think the waist/hip area is kind of weird looking? Good color, though.

From the distance/resolution of this picture, Catherine Zeta Jones's dress looks alarmingly like it is made of astroturf. I assure you that on TV it was nothing of the sort. She looked like straight-up "bow down before my glamour" royalty. Beautiful, regal, mysteriously un-aging. Loved it.

SEQUINS, SEQUINS EVERYWHERE!

Nicole, I love that you are going back to the red hair, though I think you could go redder. I think you look pretty in white/cream. I don't understand why you insist on wearing clothes with twee little bows and collars. Actually, I don't understand why a head-to-toe sequined dress even NEEDS an additionally sequined bow. Also, how come you never wear anything with volume? Always with the column dresses. We know, you are very slender and tall and regal. How about a little fun?

Anne Hathaway looks beautiful. Stunning gown, totally unique geometric sequins, backless and sexy. Full sleeves on a dress is so rare. Great color. THERE'S JUST ONE THING TWO THINGS. AND IT IS RUINING IT ALL. I THINK BY NOW YOU CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING.

This is Amber Riley from Glee. She is wearing a fabulous, flattering, knock-out of a sparkly dress. I'm not sure what the belt is made of but I love seeing a non-twig out there on the carpet looking fierce. So bravo girl!

THIS IS FOR ALL THE MARBLES

Olivia Wilde. YES. I want this dress like yesterday. In case you can't tell in the picture, it is not black but a gorgeous, surprising chocolate brown. CHOCOLATE BALLGOWN WITH SPARKLES. I would wear this every day. To work. To the grocery store. To sleep in. Congratulations, Olivia, you win the best-dressed-according-to-me prize. The prize is that you have to give me that dress. I'll even pay for shipping.

If you stuck around this long, thanks for reading! Please leave your own thoughts and opinions in the comments section! I want to hear it!