It's The OSCARS, Kids!

Super-famous, hot, rich people got all dolled up so they could give each other awards. But mostly so we'd have some clothes to talk about come Monday morning. Or, fine, Tuesday night. I'm slow. Sue me.

Here we go!

You might have to hear me repeat this a lot, but I liked Cameron Diaz's dress much better on TV than I do in this picture. In the picture it looks a little washed out, but on stage I think it was really pretty without sacrificing her easy-breezy style. Usually a blond in a cream colored dress can be a recipe for wash-out-ville, but Cammy is so tan that I think it is working. And she finally appears to have gotten her new shorter hair under control. Well done, Miss Diaz! You've started us off pleasantly. However...

Let's get right to the point. What was UP with Angelina Jolie?! I did not see her on the red carpet prior to the show, but apparently she posed like this all night, not just (infamously, now) on stage. I actually thought she looked really beautiful - love the blown-out hair, the dramatic dress, the red lips. But as the night wore on, it was overshadowed by the realization that she was just... suspiciously... cheerful. Every time they cut to her, she was smiling, like full-on with teeth, or even laughing. And posing like the spirit of Lea Michele had taken over her body. Not that she doesn't have reason to be happy, but it was just so shockingly unlike the typical Ice Queen demeanor that we usually get from her at these events. Did anyone besides Heather (my faithful Oscar G-Chatting comrade) and I notice? What say you, readers? Was she high? Drunk? Maybe she accidentally ate some mints and the sugar rush overwhelmed her frail frame? Or maybe she woke up and finally realized that she was a superstar at Hollywood's most glamourous night, quasi-married to Brad Pitt, with eleven (or something) adorable rugrat children and a bajillion dollars to her name? That'd be enough to slap a smile on my face.

A lot of people seemed to hate this on Gwyneth Paltrow, but I LOVED it. Yes, that's right, I loved a floor-length white cape and matching gown. It was so sleek and cool, which is the Gwyneth aesthetic these days. Her cuff is also to die for. The hair was a little meh, but I understand the understated nature of what she was going for.

Maya Rudolph looked swell, don't you think? Love the color, and love how the side-swept hair showed off the beautiful glitzy back. I also love how she told Tim Gunn that she was wearing an insane amount of shapewear. It's doing its job well, girl!

I was bummed about this Melissa McCarthy dress, y'all. She looked beautiful and happy but I don't think the style or color of the dress is doing her any favors. A different color could've rescued this somewhat, but I was overall hoping for more. I'm a big girl, and I get that we have more challenges than just having designers hand us stuff straight off the runway. But I think she had more success navigating those challenges at other events this season. I know they aren't the exact same shape and certainly age-appropriateness plays a factor, but think of Amber Riley from Glee, or Octavia Spencer. They have found a way to really work with their size on the red-carpet, and I hope the same in the future for Melissa. Whom I love. LOVE, I say.

Shailene Woodley is only 20 years old. Why is she wearing this weird, futuristic dress that totally ages her? "Sexy" doesn't seem to be her wheelhouse, which is fine and even commendable, but I don't think that means she can't have fun and be fresh. Shay (can I call you Shay?), you should be wearing sparkles! And colors! Also, I may or may not be able to see your boobs through the... whatever that is on the bodice of your dress. And I'm going to have to insist, young lady, that you put on a sweater and cover that up.

My main takeaway from Oscar night was, "Okay FINE I'll see The Artist already. Stop pushing me!" The lovely Berenice Bejo, who has an awesome name, was wearing this frothy minty green concoction. Very pretty, although I'm not sure it was the exact right color for her. It kind of blends right into her skin, and especially in the arms this gives it an odd effect. I was really distracted by her hair, which from other angles had braided interest, but from the front looked sort of like my hair after I've done some housecleaning. Which is to say, not very fancy.

LOVE, seriously love, this dress. HATE those bangs. It's like the front half of a six-year-old's home-done bowl haircut is eating Ellie Kemper's lovely face.

Emma Stone told a red carpet interviewer that her dress was fuchsia, and I keep squinting at different photos trying to see that, but it just looks red to me. Maybe because in my mental colorwheel, fuchsia is closer to pinky/purple than red. Anyway, I digress. I liked this, actually, which surprised me. The bow is kind of intense, but without it the dress would've been fairly forgettable. She was so great in her presenting bit with Ben Stiller, too.

For Glenn Close, I wrote in my notes, "Wish it didn't have the tail/bustle, but I still like it. Sort of sexy mother-of-the-bride." I think that sums it up. She has an amazing figure.

The Sisters Mara sure seem like they're a bucket of laughs. You can really see the family resemblance in the chin-tucked non-smiles and general air of disdain. Kate (top) and Rooney (bottom) are currently starring in American Horror Story and The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, respectively, so I don't necessarily expect them to be prancing around like chipper little cheerleaders, but come onnnnnnnn. You're at the Oscars, not filming scenes in character. It's okay to lighten up a little. Now, fashion. Kate's dress had potential, but what's with the arm threads? That detail, plus the drab color, and it sort of looks like she's shedding her skin. I quite like the lacy ethereal nature of Rooney's gown, and of course it is meant to be high contrast to her severe hair and make-up. But when you get down to it, it looks like her boobs have sleepy eyelids. And I can't get on board with that. I also can't get on board with those bangs. They're minutely better than Ellie's, but I was really hoping she'd get them out of her face as she has in other red-carpet appearances this season. Like, if she was sporting this hair, I might be able to overlook the boob lids. As such, I cannot. I WILL NOT.

I wish Kristen Wiig had worn a color. She beautiful and has such a fun, quirky personality, but she often picks these very plain, neutral looks for the red carpet. Even if this was a rich caramel color or a dusty camel color or anything other than nude. Her hair looked better than it has in other appearances. I don't know, I was hoping for more.

I thought Natalie Portman's vintage dress was adorable. Simple and classic with the fun little polka dot pattern. But I really thought the styling was a miss. The necklace feels too heavy and formal, and the hair seems better suited for a more modern style. A flirty little up-do and some lighter baubles would've been the perfect touch for this playful gown.

I think I'm having Michelle Williams burnout, guys, because I shouldn't hate this dress as much as I do. But I just... loathe it. It looks like a lampshade in an Old West house of ill-repute. Check out this shot of the back. For some weird reason the back panel of the bodice is a nude shade, instead of the red. I have no idea what the purpose of this detail would be. That, coupled with the shape of the top, made her seem like a straight line from bust to hip. I also think I'm over the pixie hair, and specifically over this version of it. I mean, maybe she's over it too - speaking from experience, it takes forever to grow out, and there are so many awkward stages in between. I liked the shortie hair better when she had the longer bangs swept across the front. But maybe between now and next awards season she'll brave the awkward stages and we'll see a fresh look from Miss Jen Lindley.

I kept going back and forth about this look on Sandra Bullock. On screen, it moved very nicely and had a bit more snazz than it does in pictures. But the more I stare at it, the more it looks like some sinister gold hands are creeping around her waist, and they're going to slowly start squeezing.

I also felt like this didn't photograph well. The fabric looks very bridesmaid-dress-eque in this photo, which I don't remember it being on TV. I loved this shape on Tina, and thought her hair and makeup looked splendid. She defaults to black a lot, but this was still a polished, flattering look.

The color is great. I love how it picks up the highlights in her hair. The dress itself looks like a gold bathrobe. And an itchy one, as Heather pointed out in our conversation. Compared to her contemporaries Glenn Close and Helen Mirren, Meryl never seems to look quite as sharp. She's probably not crying herself to sleep over it, though, in her house filled with her 752 assorted awards and accolades. So moving on.

Octavia Spencer looked great. She's not reinventing the wheel, but she's found a shape that works for her shape and size, and that's awesome. Lovely, polished, fashionable. Kudos.

Look, J-Lo looks slammin'. We know she looks slammin', and she definitely knows she looks slammin'. It's tight and dramatic and suggestive and diva-licious, but that is her to a T. The one thing that drove me absolutely bonkers about this dress was the illusion netting in the arm cutouts.

Hair/makeup, gorgeous. Dress color, great. Shape, good. But Viola Davis's dress lost me in the details. The fussy skirt business seems like an afterthought that has nothing to do with the structured top and bejeweled bust. Which appears to be pinching her boobs together rather severely, no? She was the best part of The Help, by the way. And almost completely unrecognizable. That doesn't have anything to do with her dress, but I just wanted to say it.

Stacy Keibler looked really pretty, but for some reason this just rubbed me the wrong way. Isn't it a little tacky, somehow? Maybe I'm letting my personal feelings about George Clooney's string of arm candy get to me. Like, he brought his disposable girlfriend to the Oscars dressed AS AN OSCAR. But if Stacy Keibler doesn't have a problem being Clooney's Flavor of the Month, then maybe I shouldn't either. Who knows, maybe she'll prove to be the Annette Bening to his Warren Beatty. I think I digressed again. To recap, Stacy looked very pretty and I have no other pertinent feelings on the matter.

We're nearing the end! So Miss Elena Gilbert Nina Dobrev here wasn't at the actual Oscars ceremony, but when I saw this picture of her at Elton John's annual post-show gala, I had to include it. And my love for her show The Vampire Diaries aside, she. Is. Killing. It. Have we ever seen a CW starlet look so consistently glamorous and polished? Half the time the pretty young things from that network's lineup of teen shows are photographed looking just ridiculous, but nine times out of ten Nina rises above the fray.

Alright, the moment you've all been waiting for! Congratulations Jessica Chastain, you are my choice for best dressed Oscars 2012! Almost as good as winning the actual Oscar, amiright? The black and gold looks so divine with her pale skin and red hair. The dress itself is dramatic and with all the embroidery work it could have been rather stiff and severe, but from the hips it just falls away in such a soft, elegant fashion. Her simple, soft hair was the perfect style, and the delicate gold jewelry an elegant finishing touch. Slow clap for you, Jessica. You earned it.

If you made it all the way to the end of this behemoth of a post, congratulations! You deserve an award too. Oscars for everyone!

Leave your fashionably fashionable fashion comments in the comments! I need a nap.

Golden Globes Fashion 2012

I love movies... but this year, I have seen so few. I think I went to the theater three times, and two of those were to see Harry Potter. I did catch up with a few more via Netflix and Redbox, but still, I watched this Golden Globes show and found myself saying repeatedly, "Oh yeah... I wanted to see that one!"

But enough about movies. We all know why you're here. Dresses, yay!

For the most part, everyone looked very nice - classic, elegant - but there wasn't a lot of wow factor. Aside from some yellow and a handful of neutrals, it seemed like dark colors and jewel tones dominated the night. Here's my take on some of the night's looks!

Does anyone watch Julianna Margulies' show, The Good Wife? Is it good? I hear lots of positive buzz about it online and in entertainment magazines, but I don't know anyone who actually watches it, and I'm curious about it. Anyhoo, I really love the color and texture on this dress, but I just am not feeling the high neckline. She looks great, but I am just never personally a fan of the style. Interesting textures and high necklines seem to be a trend, however...

There weren't many other dresses with this vibe out on the carpet, and so Claire Danes definitely stood out. I really loved the back of the dress more than the front, perhaps because every time I saw her on screen, it was really clear that she was not wearing any kind of bra.

This is so weird, but also awesome. It's one of the most feminine things we've seen Tilda Swinton wear in a while - almost has a mother-of-the-bride vibe - but it's very dramatic in that way that only she is. Like a dramatic mother-of-the-bride who might destroy you with her stare. I always get a little nervous in the presence of the evil Ice Queen of Narnia.

I don't love this in photographs (it looks like purple leopard print, which I'm pretty sure it wasn't), but on screen I liked it quite a bit. It is very much Michelle Williams' style, but without being too precious, even with the headband. Here's a high neckline again, but it suits her and it isn't as severe as some of the others.

This dress was sooo va-va-voom, Jessica Rabbit-esque, which isn't usually the style one associates with Reese. I guess that is her point! She makes it look good, but I really thought her hair was too casual and I think she could have loaded up with some more jewelry.

I have mentioned this before, but I really try not to watch or read any other fashion reviews until I after I finish writing mine. Even so, sometimes a certain look will be so controversial that I can't help but overhear some of the chatter. Such was the case with this dress that Sarah Michelle Gellar (Gellar-Prinze?) wore. The general consensus seems to be amazing dress, but not the right dress for her. I'm inclined to agree, although I think it could've been saved with different styling. I love the dress, and I love SMG (Buffy 4eva) but something just isn't clicking for me. Maybe if her hair was different? Or jewelry? Or maybe it was just a dress designed for someone with different coloring? What say you, reader? Can you put a finger on what is off here?

Speaking of dresses with buzz, Zooey's was another one. I wanted to like it, and I did like parts of it, and I really like that she went with a look so different from the "adorable" style with which she's so strongly associated. But in execution, I'm finding it lacking. I think it might be the hair? The retro-styled hair seems to clash with the gown, both editorially and literally. I think a sleek ponytail would've allowed the dramatic neckline to shine. I don't think sister Emily fared much better, as her dress is feeling like a frumpy satiny robe meets 80s power suit. Great color, though. And she looks pretty fabulous for someone with a 4-month-old.

I love Melissa McCarthy so much. And I love that she's real-life-married to Secretly-The-US-Marshall that she accosts in Bridesmaids. She looks very beautiful, if a teensy bit like she's headed to a Renaissance Fair.

I love yellow, and I love sequins, so Maria Menounos's dress is seriously doing it for me here. This is the kind of thing that I long to have a reason to wear.

Jessica Chastain is carrying on the high-neck trend. I think this dress is just a little too tight. I've seen her wear some really beautiful dresses, but this one isn't my favorite. Redheads look so beautiful in colors that no one else can wear; I would've loved to see her in something vibrant.

I feel I am staring down a long tunnel when I look at the bodice of Salma's gown. I am also afraid that if she sneezes, things are going to get R-rated in a flash. Pun intended. I would just feel a lot safer if it had straps.

As was mentioned previously, I love yellow, and so of course I love this dress, but who is Paula Patton?

I have been waffling hard over Nicole Ritchie's dress here. But let me start by saying I loved her hair. The styling of her whole looks is flawless. I love the way the cut of the fabric creates the pattern in the gown. I just get a little twitchy with this neckline that looks like your basic work-out tank top.

If I scroll down so that all I see of Lea Michele is from the waist down, then I love her look. Waist up, I have no idea what is happening, but it feels icky.

My apologies to Tina Fey, because this picture is crummy. But I thought her look was truly the best we've seen for her in many a red carpet. Love that it is a color, when she so often favors black. It's nothing earth-shattering, but she looked really nice.

Emma Stone looked gorgeous - doesn't she kind of look like she could be Mila Kunis' redheaded sister in this picture? Anyway, love the dress, love the makeup, love the black accents. You can kind of tell from this picture but when she was being interviewed on the red carpet there were these strange straps hanging under her arms and it drove me crazy. What were those things?!

I don't like this nearly as much in picture as I did on screen. When she presented on stage, I thought this was breathtaking. Incredible details and a flawless fit. Love how her hair color seems to pick up the coppery tones of the beadwork. Well done, Nicole!

I feel like Jessica Biel has a history of picking these frumpy gowns. Girl, you have a smokin' hot figure and you just (allegedly) locked down Justin Timberlake. Let's celebrate that via future fashion choices.

I don't know that I can ever see Evan Rachel Wood as anything other than a woman who used to date Marilyn Manson. However, even I can give credit where it is due. This dress is amazing. A work of art - kind of fascinating how it has these assorted animalistic features, with the feathered bottom and the scale-like sequins in the middle. Weird, that feathers and scales could come together and not be costume-y. One of my favorite dresses of the evening. I wouldn't wear it, but she sure is.

Love this red number on Glee's Amber Riley. The dress isn't reinventing the wheel, but on her it is so flattering and fabulous. As a woman of some size myself, I can say that it takes a lot - literally, a lot of undergarments, but figuratively a lot of courage - to wear a strapless dress. I love that she is wearing it and looking great!

That's all for this tired mama. Who were your favorites? Did I miss any good ones? Talk it out amongst yourselves in the comments! See you come Oscar time!

Oscars 2011: Fashion Up!

Okay, FINALLY, I'm getting this Oscar blog up! Only one week after the show! Just in time for everyone to have already forgotten to care about most of these dresses. Let's refresh your memories, shall we? My order this year is "Reverse Alphabetical By First Name," since that's how Blogger decided to upload the pictures. To the fashions we go!

I really searched for pictures that were the closest to what Scarlett Johannson looked like on the red carpet (via my television). Even these aren't quite right. The color was better - more like a pinkish plummy, and the slight difference in shade/sheen of the satin dress and the lacy overlay was a great detail, although here it mostly looks faded. I'll admit the hair was a little casual looking, and the gown is maybe a teensy bit snug, but I actually quite liked this look otherwise. It was unique and flirty while remaining tasteful.

Reese was looking super-cute, although definitely channelling (even if unintentionally) this famous black-and-white, retro-styled look of Julia Roberts from when she won her Oscar back in 2001. That look was the first thing that popped into my mind when I saw this on Reese. But even so, she looks simple and chic in her own right. Everyone always looks so much more relaxed when they aren't a nominee!

I went back and forth on Nicole Kidman's dress here. Like Cate Blanchett, she can wear things that no one else can really wear, and often dresses for high fashion as opposed to dressing for glamour or beauty. This dress is architectural and that's fine... but it is just really not flattering. If I'm going to fault Melissa Leo for wearing a dress that looks like it is made of paper (more on that later), I'm going to have to do the same for Nic here. And only someone built like Nicole Kidman would try this on and say, "I really love how this extra fabric is flaring out to give me giant hips." Saving it from being a total wash are her adorable red shoes peeping out, her finally-getting-back-to-red hair, and how happy she looked with Keith. If those two ever split, Nashville is going to LOSE IT, y'all. They're our King & Queen down here.

Preggo-eggo Natalie Portman! She's one of those normally very petite girls, like Kate Hudson, who looks SO GREAT being pregnant. She might feel like an uncomfortable cow, but the fullness and softness that pregnancy has brought to her is flattering on all accounts. Also, I don't know how long she hid it, but I think she's got to be at least as far as I am if not further. If she steals my due date, I'll have to write a strongly worded letter. Oh yes, we were talking about fashion, weren't we? I thought she looked beautiful. The color is outstanding, the dress is so soft and lovely, and the hemline, while normally not my favorite, is sensible for someone who is probably a little klutzier than usual and doesn't need to be tripping. The only thing I didn't like were the matching tassel earrings. I would've loved to see a beautiful jewel-tone sparkly set, like with sapphires or emeralds.

And next up is her Black Swan partner in crime, Mila Kunis. This was a different look for her. We've seen her play up the exotic and glamorous aspects of her beauty, but this was really just pretty and soft. But the boobs, yikes! When she was up there presenting with Timberlake, I was terrified we were going to have a wardrobe malfunction with every breath and giggle. Seriously, that lace must have been superglued to her skin.

Attention pale, blonde women who may one day be on the red carpet at the Oscars and who also read this blog (probably not a lot of overlap in those populations, but better safe than sorry): white dresses often do NOT photograph well. I could not find a photo where Michelle Williams here didn't look like a ghost. With her creamy pale skin and her adorable shortie pale blonde hair and her neck-to-ankles white beaded gown, there's just not a lot of contrast for the camera to work with. That's not to say she didn't look pretty, because I think she did. At first I was a little bored, but once the show started they showed a close-up and it revealed lots more beautiful detail in the beading. Not my favorite look of the night, but it went a long way from redeeming her from the Golden Globes Daisy Dress Debacle.

Speaking of white dresses, here's one on Melissa Leo. Unfortunately, I don't think photography is the problem with this one. I liked it in theory but not in execution. By this I mean I can imagine looking at a sketch of the gown and thinking, “Ooh, that looks promising.” But in person it looked like it was made of paper, like someone who cut out a very intricate snowflake. It sat very stiffly on her, and looked neither comfortable or flattering. The structure could work at the top, but by the bottom of the gown it is all wrong. It's doing it a little here, but in several photographs the dress appears to curl in around the split in the front, making it look like the world's most awful jumpsuit.

Oh, hi Jennifer Lawrence! I'm so sorry, but we forgot to tell you. First you wear a really classy and elegant gown to the Oscars, and THEN you can change into your other dress for the afterparties. Seriously though, she looks hot but the style and hair are too casual. Compared to what everyone else was wearing, this wasn't enough.

Jennifer Hudson has lost so much weight! Yay for her but she almost looks like another person. The tangerine color of this gown is amazing with her skintone, and the dress itself is beautiful and bold. I do have a problem with the bust area. I can't tell if it is too much boob, or odd placement of boob, or... something. It isn't coming across very tastefully, which is unfortunate because the rest of the dress is divine.

Don't you just hate it when your beautiful gown gets attacked by tulle tumbleweeds right as someone snaps your photo? Don't worry, Halle, it happens to the best of us.

Look at adorable little Miss True Grit herself! Hailee Steinfeld has turned into such a budding fashionista that I think people were a little let down by this dress, hoping she would've picked something really exciting. But c'mon, she's 14-years-old! This dress is a tween dream – princessy and pouffy and totally suitable for her magical night. I'm not a huge fan of the satin pump, which seems age-inappropriate. I would've gone whole hog on the princess look and picked something really sparkly and strappy.

I absolutely LOVED this look on Gwyneth Paltrow. Head-to-toe the styling is spot-on. It is glamorous and yet has such a relaxed, California-girl vibe. The color, sheen, style of the dress, plus the straightened hair and the glowing tan, are all adding up to fabulous.

Florence Welch is wearing the ugliest sad sack of a prairie dress I've seen in quite some time. The color, if you can even call it that, is awful. The style is awful. For her performance, she wore a really dramatic looking satin gown that appeared to be a fiery red-orange, almost like her hair. I would've much rather she walked the carpet wearing that.

There are some things that only Cate Blanchett can pull off. She's so regal and elegant that she makes a high-fashion gown wearable. The combination of the lilac and the chartreuse was so arresting. Some shots of the back made the clusters of beading look kind of like barnacles were growing on the fabric, but overall I thought this was stunning. Not for everyone, and not even particularly "pretty," but almost a walking work of art.

Annette, woman, you have GOT to get a GRIP on your HAIR. It almost distracted me from the thought that I actually quite like your dress, even if I'm a little concerned your boobs are being squished. And I wish for your sake that the lines from the hip area were a little more curved instead of being so straight, as I think that might be flattering. PS. I can't see them in this picture, but I wrote down in my notes as I watched that I was in love with your earrings, so they must have been awesome.

Amy Adams! You know I just wanted to end with someone who shared my name. She and Michelle Williams walked down the carpet near each other, and it was hard not to compare. Upon closer inspection, Michelle's dress had more detail in the beading, but from a distance it basically looked like Amy was wearing the navy version. I didn't hate this like some people did, but I did think the length of the sleeve was unflattering, and the neck is so high as to almost be veering into mock-turtleneck-ville, which is a dangerous place to be veering. Still, no one can deny that Miss Adams rocks a jewel-tone gown like no other.

Alright my pretties! We made it to the end! Again, my apologies for the delay. Feel free to share in the comments the Oscar looks you loved and hated!