Scaredy Cat

Requisite first paragraph in which I talk about how I'm a terrible blogger, etc.

So, this weekend is Halloween! I like to enjoy this holiday on the lighter side. No haunted houses or super scary movies - I'm just too chicken! I always think that I'll enjoy watching a scary movie, and I usually do during the actual watching, but then afterward when I'm laying awake in my bed listening to all the sounds that could potentially be ax murderers and masked psychopaths, I really wish I hadn't. I used to enjoy watching them more I think as a teenager, when I'd be piled in a friend's room at a sleepover with a bunch of other friends. Somehow that makes it less scary, even though it seems like "girls at a slumber party" is a pretty classic scene from horror movies...

Sometimes I watch scary movies but mute the worst scenes. The music is 80% of the scare, don't you think? The best example of this is The Shining. It is probably the scariest movie that I own and actually watch from time to time. The book is better in terms of a story, but the movie is so artistically scary, both visually and musically, that it is hard to beat. Those screeching strings as he goes slowly mad? Shudder!

In the end, I prefer thrillers or slightly creepy movies as opposed to the downright terrifying ones. I've still never seen some of the "big" horror films: The Ring, Paranormal Activity, or even the classics like The Exorcist, Halloween and Nightmare on Elm Street.

I am way more likely to read and enjoy a horror novel (see: my Stephen King shelf) than see a horror film. But even there I have my scaredy cat limits. I couldn't finish The Exorcist. And I can remember laying in my room, finishing reading The Amityville Horror, and then getting up and taking the book downstairs because I didn't want it in the same room with me while I slept!

So what about you? Scary movies and books, yay or nay? Why or why not? Which one scared you the most?

Happy Halloween!

Eight Weeks and Counting

Sweet Baby James,

Hello my darling! Hard to believe but I am now over two months pregnant. Eight and a half weeks today, to be precise. I meant to be writing more often but growing you is making me utterly, lifelessly exhausted. Unfortunately I have also had an extra busy couple of weeks and this has not left me the desired time for napping! Yesterday I snuck in a few minutes between the doctor's visit and Bible study, but it was not quite enough and today I was pooped. I did not think I was going to be able to make it through work. I walked to a smoothie store on my break, and the fresh air and fruity goodness seemed to help give me a little energy.

Tonight was really fun because after work I went to my friend Kali's house to hang out with her, her precious baby Caroline, and our friend Angilee. Sweet, darling baby, I know I will be madly in love with you no matter what you look like. But if God sees fit to make you one tenth as adorable as Miss Caroline, we'll be in business. It's really outrageous, how cute she is. If you're a boy, I'll be sure to make the appropriate introductions.

Kali, Angilee and I all used to work together at GMA. I knew both of them would be so, so excited to know I was pregnant, so it was a lot of fun to break the news. I got lots of hugs and some jumping up and down. (Caroline was startled by the squealing and cried a little.) I told them all the details about how far along I was and how I had been feeling. I had been having kind of an overwhelming feeling about my day so it was so great to be blessed with their encouragement and excitement.

And with that, dear little somewhat-berry-sized baby of mine, I am calling it a night and heading to bed. Another long day tomorrow!

Love,

Momma

First Appointment!

Sweet Baby James,

Today was an exciting milestone, because I had my first official "I'm Pregnant" visit with the midwife. Woo!

Now before anyone out there reading thinks I've gone crazy and that I'll be delivering my baby on my sofa or in my bathtub by candlelight or something, fear not. I will be having my baby very safely at top-notch Vanderbilt Hospital. There will be doctors and surgeons and anesthesiologists and all the modern medical marvels at my disposal should they be needed/wanted.

My prenatal care and labor will be overseen by the capable, highly-trained team of nurse-midwives at the Vanderbilt Nurse-Midwife Clinic. All the nurse-midwives have at least their masters in Nursing, and many have their doctorates as well. On top of that they are all specially trained and certified in midwifery (aka the care for pregnant women and the delivery of babies).

I decided to go with the nurse-midwives after hearing from multiple friends about the wonderful, personal care they received, particularly in having one of the nurse-midwives by their sides for the entire length of their labor.

My midwife's name is Lauren. Ben got to come with me, too, which is awesome! We talked about how I was feeling, any questions I had, and established May 28 as my official due date. I got some specifics about medicines I can and can't take right now, which was helpful. And we set up a meeting for me to come back in 6 weeks. By then I'll be 14 weeks along and it will be time to see how much you've grown and, most excitingly, hear your heart beating! It is beating now, and has been for a few weeks, but by then you'll be big enough for us to pick up the sounds! Amazing.

I also got a flu shot, which is good because I do not want you or me getting sick during this winter season! I had to do the ole' pee in a cup, as well as give a LOT of blood - seven vials worth, whew - for all the tests they'll need to do. That was it! I was an excellent blood-giver so Ben rewarded me with a trip to the frozen yogurt joint.

More tomorrow!

Love,

Momma

More Fun With Surprises!

Sweet Baby James,

A couple things, and then we can get to the fun part.

It is not so easy to eat healthy when I don't really feel like eating anything. Today in the car I started crying because I couldn't think of a single thing I wanted for lunch! I ended up splurging on some Chick-fil-a nuggets and small fries, and soothed my upset tummy with some Sprite. For dinner your dad brought home some pizza which at the time was delicious and exactly what I wanted. But now, I'm just back to feeling vaguely blech.

Also, tired? I don't know if I've ever been so tired for what, externally, seems to be no reason. Every hour at work feels like it drags on and on and I can't wait to just grab five minutes to sit down and rest. When I get home I just collapse on the nearest available flat surface. Building you is taking a toll on my energy! You're worth it, of course, but still!

Okay, on to the fun times! So as I mentioned last weekend we got to go home and share our exciting news with our families. Here are the videos we took!

This is us telling my dad - that'd be Grandpa Tom. You can't get a good look at what I gave him in the video. It is a little framed sign that says "Grandfathers are for loving and fixing things." It was something I gave to my grandpa when I was little. After his funeral, my mom gave it to me and said I could hang on to it until it was time to give it to dad. That didn't take long!



We also surprised my sister, your Aunt Ashley. We gave her a card that said something about being an aunt. She is very excited and is already trying to spoil you rotten. I'll post more about her later!



And finally, hands down the most animated reaction came from Ben's mom. When we went to tell his family, first we totally surprised them that we were even in town. They had no idea! Then we gave Ben's mom a book, and we told her we made her a birthday present (because her birthday is right near my due date). She didn't get it at first but... well, just watch! Bonus hilarious reaction from Logan.



Isn't that fun? We also got to tell some really special friends. Cara and Cody are our dear friends, and Cara is my best pal from high school. It was awesome to get to tell her face to face! We also told our good friend PJ. In a weird way, he's kind of like your older brother, okay? And in true big brother fashion, he came up with a nickname for you. I think it is going to stick. I told him you were the size of a blueberry, and he said he was going to call you Blue. So now I do, too, when I talk to you - Baby Blue.

Everyone is so excited that you are coming! It's so wonderful to share the good news with people that are going to love you so, so much. Just like I already do.

Love,

Momma

Fun With Surprises!

Sweet Baby James,

There's a lot to cover from these past few days! We got to go home and tell our whole family that you were coming. Needless to say, everyone was ecstatic.

The first thing I did when I got home was tell my mom. You'll just call her Grandma Sally, or some variation of such. I was under instruction from your dad that she was the ONLY one I could tell until he got there. I wrapped up a copy of one of my favorite childhood books, Bedtime for Frances, and put a little note in it from you.



I cornered her in her craft room and handed it to her. She's a smart cookie, so she got it right away. She was so excited! You will be her first grandbaby. We had lots of hugs and then I filled her in on all the details. She couldn't believe I expected her to keep it a secret from my dad until Ben showed up!

We had so much fun the next day secretly going shopping to baby stores. We went to one store with lots of really beautiful fancy nursery furniture including some gliders that I did not want to get out of. Like sitting on a cloud, I tell ya! Then we made my first venture into a Babies R Us. It was a little overwhelming but we found a couple cute things.

There are many more stories to share and we caught all the rest of the surprises on video. But your dad is not here to help me edit and upload them so I'll have to wait till later for the rest!

Love,
Momma

GIVE ME ALL THE CHICKEN

Sweet Baby James,

Clearly, you are already spoiled. Whatever you want, that's what Momma eats. And increasingly, what you want is chicken.

This really surprised me, because I heard from many other moms that they really got grossed out by meat, particularly chicken, during their pregnancies. My friend Rachel's baby is already a few months old and she says she still doesn't like eating chicken, because just the sight of it used to make her sick.

But not me! I'm sure this is just my body's way of getting lots of protein, which is very important for your development. I usually don't get enough in my diet so I guess you kicked it into overdrive. It's a little weird to feel so blatantly carnivorous. Chicken tacos, chicken sandwiches, chicken tenders, chicken fajitas, chicken fried, chicken grilled, whatever.

And eggs! Sometimes in the morning when nothing else sounds good, I want eggs. Scrambled with cheese. Mmmm. Sounds good right now, doesn't it little one?!

Today I am going home to St. Louis and I will get to tell my mom and dad and sister about YOU! This makes me more excited than anything! Ben (that's your Daddy) will hopefully get to come up later this weekend so we can tell his family too. Hopefully we will get some fun pictures or video of this and post them!

Well, gotta go pack! This is something you can take to the bank about me: I do most everything at the last minute.

Love,

Momma

My Darling Baby Pea!

Sweet Baby James,

Hello lovely! I reached six weeks of pregnancy over the weekend, and guess what? That means no more sesame seed stage for you. You are now a quarter of an inch from your tiny little head to your curled up rump. That's about as big as a baby sweet pea. By the end of this week you'll be blueberry sized, so you are really growing like crazy already!

One little fact that I'm in love with? Your heart is already beating, between 100-160 a minute. How can that be possible?!!? Amazing, that's what you are. I am so honored that God would be so gracious and creative to let this happen inside of me.

This weekend was a big one. We have some really special friends, Jon and Heather, who recently began the process of moving away to a new town. It has been sad because your momma and Heather are best buddies. I couldn't wait to tell her about you, although I was also a little scared! Like me, she's waited a long time for it to be a good time to start a family, and I didn't want her to be sad that I got to go first! This might sound complicated to you, but you'll understand someday.

Appropriately enough, I told her about you in the parking lot of a Mexican food restaurant. We love Mexican food. I cried a little and we shared a big hug. Later she picked out a really cute maternity coat for me and together we coerced your dad into buying it for me. That's what friends are for. :)

I can't wait for you to meet Heather! She's such a fun person and talk about SMART. Jon too! I'm just going to routinely ship you off to them so you can learn lots of things from them, just like I have. And when she has a baby you can be best friends and maybe later get married, genders permitting.

I felt pretty good all weekend. I usually feel a little bleh in the morning before I eat, and the other night for the first time I had to walk away from some food in the kitchen because it suddenly smelled terrible to me. But other than that, not too shabby! The only other thing bothering me is my chest. Ow ow ow! I already thought I was doing overly well in that department and here you go making them even bigger? Unnecessary, I assure you.

Sorry, someday you'll probably find this horribly embarrassing. But for now you're just a sweet little pea in my tum and you can't do anything about your crazy mom, out here blogging about her boobs.

Love,

Momma

Hyperbole and a Half

Do you need to laugh? I mean really just laugh so hard that your stomach hurts and your eyes start watering? To laugh so loud and so much that people come down the hall into your office so they can find out what is so freaking funny?

Here.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

You're welcome.

It's all hilarious, but be sure not to miss the posts This Is Why I'll Never Be An Adult as well as one of my favorites, Dog.

(Special thanks to Heather, who was the first one to show me this magical site. I'll forever be indebted to you, dear!)

Facing the Fires

In my Bible study we have been going through Daniel. This is great, because I knew next to nothing about that particular book. Like every kid who went to Sunday School, I have vague memories of the "Daniel in the Lion's Den" story, but that was about it.

I didn't even realize that one of my favorite Old Testament stories was IN the book of Daniel. That'd be the one with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. I also didn't realize that though I knew the basics - the three of them won't bow to the false gods, the king throws them in the furnace, but they don't burn up and the king is amazed - I didn't really understand any further what it meant and how it could truly reveal God's sovreignty in our toughest trials.

What I learned was so good I just really wanted to share it with you all! I hope you find it as meaningful - and ultimately comforting - as I did.

If you want to read it first, the account of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego is in Daniel, chapter 3.

So background: these three guys were actually Israelite (Jewish) captives living in Babylon and working for the king. Their names were not Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego - these were Babylonian monikers assigned to them to force their assimilation into the culture. Their real names are revealed in Daniel 1:6 - Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. All three names have meaning related to the goodness and sovreignty of God.

More background: King Nebuchadnezzar was the head honcho in Babylon, the mightiest empire of the day. It was by his hand that Jerusalem was seized and that strong, smart young men like Hananiah, Mishael, Azariah, and their friend Daniel were taken prisoner and forced into the king's service. Though just one chapter ago in Daniel 2 Nebuchadnezzar learned through Daniel's interpretation of his dream that God would break all the kingdoms of the earth - including Old Neb's - he decided the best thing to do to assert his authority was to built a gargantuan statue and have everybody bow and worship it.

Cut to Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who respectfully declined... in front of every important person in Babylon, who had gathered for the celebratory first bowing-down and worshipping session. Nebuchadnezzar walks over, points to the roaring burning inferno just off to the side of the statue, and is like, "Oh, maybe you didn't hear me when I said to bow down. I'll give you one more chance to do it and then it's roasting to death for you three."

And they respond, in what has got to be one of the best comebacks EVER: "Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

We could just stop there, right? God is able to rescue us from any circumstance. ANY. But even if He does not, will you remain faithful? Even unto a fiery death? Just, BAM. Gets me!

But there's more to think about. In her study, Beth gives three ways God delivers us when we face the fires in life.

We can be delivered FROM the fire. This would have been like if the king's response was "Wow, I'm impressed by your devotion. No furnace for you today! You all can live and you can worship your God as you'd like." Or from a modern perspective, a near miss. A car crash that you narrowly avoided. A health scare that turns out to be nothing. A shaky circumstance that ends more positively than it should've. This is, as Beth points out, what we all rationally hope for! God's deliverence in this way BUILDS our faith. Turn your gratitude toward Him and give Him the praise He deserves when this is your fortunate lot!

We can be delivered THROUGH the fire. This is what happened to our three brave young men. They were bound and thrown into the furnace. It was so intense that the soldiers in charge of putting them in the fire died just because they got too close. But when the king peers into the flames, he is astonished to see not three but FOUR men walking - walking! - around in the furnace. Unbound. Unharmed. God himself walked through the fire with them. They came out of the furnace and not a hair on their head was singed and they didn't even smell like smoke. God can deliver you through the fires in your life, too, walking with you the whole time. The injury or sickness that you must endure until you are healed. The long, tough road through a desert in your life, when all you want is to reach the other side already. The difficult, strained relationship that takes every last ounce of your energy to maintain and honor. God is in the process of delivering you through that even as it happens. And like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, your faith will be REFINED. Improved. Made stronger. Again, just like these three, when you exit the fire by God's hand, the only thing burned away will be what bound you up.

We can be delivered BY the fire. This is death. And by it you are delivered straight into the waiting arms of our Father. If God had allowed these three to die in the fire, they would still have been delivered, just in an eternal way. And they were willing to face it. "Even if he doesn't," remember? Death, in the end, is what PERFECTS our faith.

So when we face these fires, what gods are we tempted to bow to? Bitterness? Unbelief? Self-pity, maybe, or resentment? Write the words of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego on your hearts. Sear them on your tongue. "The God I serve is able to save me from anything, and he will rescue me from this fire. But even if he does not, I will not bow to the little gods of this world."

You know what else will happen when you trust in God and refuse to bow to any other? God will get the glory for your faithfulness, and others will want to know him more. Look at what Nebuchadnezzer proclaimed when the three exited the fire unharmed:

"Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the king's command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God. Therefore I decree that the people of any nation or language who say anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego be cut into pieces and their houses be turned into piles of rubble, for no other god can save in this way."

No other god indeed.

Somebody Loves Me

Sweet Baby James,

Hello dear one! Guess what? I woke up at 5:30 this morning! Was that your doing? Before you come out here to greet the world, I think we should clear up one thing. In this family - which you're now a part of - we LOVE sleep! We only see one 5:30 every day, and it's the one in the evening! So just get that in your tiny developing head - sleep is GOOD. Sleep is your FRIEND.

Not only do I like to sleep, and not only does your dad like to sleep, but another member of our family also likes to sleep. Oh yes, there's someone else out here already. His name is Scruffy.

Momma & Scruffy last fall

Scruffy is our dog. We really love him so much, even though he has lots of neurotic issues. One of those issues is that he is not fond of children, but we're hoping to make a breakthrough there in the next eight months.

Scruffy has always really loved your dad. He loves me, too, and we've become good buddies since I've been at home more. But still, dad is Numero Uno in our house. That is, until now.

You growing in my tummy doesn't really look different from the outside yet. I mean, I wish this belly bump was because of you! But even though I don't look different, I feel different. And I have lots of new hormones racing around in my body getting you built and getting me ready. And I really, sincerely think Scruffy has picked up on this. Because he looooooooves me.

He follows me around everywhere. If I go to the bathroom, he stands outside and waits for me. And this is when dad is home too! If I am on one couch and dad is on the other, he just won't stop pestering me. He wants me to pet him, or he wants to jump up by me, and last night he just laid down on my feet. Isn't that crazy? I did a little online research and it turns out this is fairly common behavior and that dogs and some cats sense the changes in their owner and respond with more clingy or protective behavior.

So I guess I owe you a thanks, my darling little sesame seed, for making me top dog around here for once!

Love,

Momma