Oh God
I'm just a fool
And today I am bound up in all my insufferable humanity
It clings to everything I touch
Culture-numbed, world-weary
I take delight in all the things I hate
And I am utterly unable to manifest a desire to seek Your face.
But my name is written on Your heart, hallelujah
I can't help but believe in You
Please tell me that counts for something.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Observations from a Long Drive
Yesterday I drove myself home from St. Louis to Nashville. It was a beautiful fall afternoon and I had a good six hours to myself. Well, Scruffy was in the car with me but he's not much for conversation. So I listened to all the music I wanted to and came up with some very random observations which I will share with you now.
***
1. Heartland
There is something really spectacular about rolling fields of wheat and corn and how it all glows and moves under fall sun and wind. Green and gold and brown, just folding out in squares across the landscape, dotted with a farm here, a little pond there...
When my sister was younger, she had this fascination with running in a field. Every time we passed an open pasture area she would sigh and say how she wished Dad would stop the car so she could just go run in that field. Yesterday, driving under an open sky of brilliant blue and through the beauty of the American Heartland, I totally know what she meant.
2. Airheads
I really love Airheads candy. This is odd because I am not a fan of fruity candies usually, and I don't really like taffy or anything like that. But I love Airheads. I could eat about a hundred red ones and still want more.
3. "Stand By Me," sung by Ben E. King
I decided after listening to it for the millionth time that "Stand By Me" is one of the greatest love songs ever. It is utterly simple - the words, the instrumentation, the structure. But good grief is it romantic - and even a little sexy, with the "bum, bum, ba-da bum bum" rhythm. Stand by me, no matter what else happens, and we'll be okay. Man, that's good stuff.
4. National Dead Deer Weekend?
I don't know what the deal was, but yesterday I saw probably - no exaggeration - more than 15 deer and/or partial deer carcasses lining the highway across my 300 mile drive. In my nearly eight years of driving back and forth between Nashville and STL I have never experienced this. One dead deer laying by the side of the road, unpleasant but it happens. But halves of deers and decapitated deers and bloody smears formerly known as deers... ugh. It got to be really gross and had me wondering what was going on with the deer population's sudden and tragic love affair with my particular stretch of highway?!
5. Vampire Weekend
I had Ben load their much-ballyhooed debut album up on my iPod and around Paducah decided to have a listen...
I give them an "A" for interesting instrumentation and a creative different sound. I give them a C- for how much I actually liked the album. I listened to at least 30-seconds of every track... unfortunately it was often because I could only stand 30 seconds at a time. After the hundredth repetition of a kooky staccato riff I just couldn't take it any more. I did like some of the string sections.
6. Cello
The cello is my all-time favorite instrument. It is so powerfully emotive - subtle, almost an undercurrent in many songs, but totally shouldering the weight of moving and feeling. Fun fact: my husband Ben played the cello for seven years growing up. Even now when he plays guitar he moves his fingers like he is playing the cello. But, despite the fact that it is my favorite thing, despite years of begging, he has never once played the cello for me. He claims he doesn't remember. I think he is a big fat mean liar.
7. How Did I Get to Be So Old
At the wedding I was in this weekend, we reminisced about how the couple had gone to the Homecoming dance together our freshman year of high school. I was stunned when someone mentioned, "Who would've thought eleven years ago we'd be here now celebrating their wedding." Woah woah woah. Do you mean to tell me it has been ELEVEN YEARS since I was a high school freshman?!!?! (Silent mental calculations...) But that means... I. Am. Old.
I thought about that for a good while in the car. Being a grown up. Shudder.
8. Names
I think it is cute when girls named Charlotte are called Charlie. I'm thinking of using it in a story I'm writing.
***
And that, my dear readers, is a glimpse into what I think about and do while on a solo six hour car ride. Fascinating, I know.
***
1. Heartland
There is something really spectacular about rolling fields of wheat and corn and how it all glows and moves under fall sun and wind. Green and gold and brown, just folding out in squares across the landscape, dotted with a farm here, a little pond there...
When my sister was younger, she had this fascination with running in a field. Every time we passed an open pasture area she would sigh and say how she wished Dad would stop the car so she could just go run in that field. Yesterday, driving under an open sky of brilliant blue and through the beauty of the American Heartland, I totally know what she meant.
2. Airheads
I really love Airheads candy. This is odd because I am not a fan of fruity candies usually, and I don't really like taffy or anything like that. But I love Airheads. I could eat about a hundred red ones and still want more.
3. "Stand By Me," sung by Ben E. King
I decided after listening to it for the millionth time that "Stand By Me" is one of the greatest love songs ever. It is utterly simple - the words, the instrumentation, the structure. But good grief is it romantic - and even a little sexy, with the "bum, bum, ba-da bum bum" rhythm. Stand by me, no matter what else happens, and we'll be okay. Man, that's good stuff.
4. National Dead Deer Weekend?
I don't know what the deal was, but yesterday I saw probably - no exaggeration - more than 15 deer and/or partial deer carcasses lining the highway across my 300 mile drive. In my nearly eight years of driving back and forth between Nashville and STL I have never experienced this. One dead deer laying by the side of the road, unpleasant but it happens. But halves of deers and decapitated deers and bloody smears formerly known as deers... ugh. It got to be really gross and had me wondering what was going on with the deer population's sudden and tragic love affair with my particular stretch of highway?!
5. Vampire Weekend
I had Ben load their much-ballyhooed debut album up on my iPod and around Paducah decided to have a listen...
I give them an "A" for interesting instrumentation and a creative different sound. I give them a C- for how much I actually liked the album. I listened to at least 30-seconds of every track... unfortunately it was often because I could only stand 30 seconds at a time. After the hundredth repetition of a kooky staccato riff I just couldn't take it any more. I did like some of the string sections.
6. Cello
The cello is my all-time favorite instrument. It is so powerfully emotive - subtle, almost an undercurrent in many songs, but totally shouldering the weight of moving and feeling. Fun fact: my husband Ben played the cello for seven years growing up. Even now when he plays guitar he moves his fingers like he is playing the cello. But, despite the fact that it is my favorite thing, despite years of begging, he has never once played the cello for me. He claims he doesn't remember. I think he is a big fat mean liar.
7. How Did I Get to Be So Old
At the wedding I was in this weekend, we reminisced about how the couple had gone to the Homecoming dance together our freshman year of high school. I was stunned when someone mentioned, "Who would've thought eleven years ago we'd be here now celebrating their wedding." Woah woah woah. Do you mean to tell me it has been ELEVEN YEARS since I was a high school freshman?!!?! (Silent mental calculations...) But that means... I. Am. Old.
I thought about that for a good while in the car. Being a grown up. Shudder.
8. Names
I think it is cute when girls named Charlotte are called Charlie. I'm thinking of using it in a story I'm writing.
***
And that, my dear readers, is a glimpse into what I think about and do while on a solo six hour car ride. Fascinating, I know.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday Night: Battle of the Chucks
In one corner, we have Chuck Bass, who alongside his sometimes love/all-the-times nemesis Blair Waldorf, is the real star of the WB's deliciously bad Gossip Girl.
In the other corner, we have Chuck Bartowski, the adorabley geeky accidental spy after whom NBC's action-comedy Chuck is named.
Two shows. One timeslot - 7 pm, Monday nights. Only one TiVo.
What's a couple to do? Ben and I came to the difficult decision that we would TiVo Chuck since we (oh yes, he likes it too) could watch Gossip Girl online. But I made sure to put in a clause that stated that if I happened to get home on time I could watch GG live from the other TV.
And thank goodness for that, because last night both our Chucks were in fine form. Mr. Bass was showing his softer side, overcoming Blair's straight-from-Cruel-Intentions schemes and looking suave in his typically insane outfits to boot. Over on channel 4, Mr. Bartowski was HI-larious... maybe the funniest episode yet for the show. Plus, there were guest roles by Nicole Ritchie and - wait for it - CORY from Boy Meets World (actual name Ben Savage). If only they'd gotten Topanga, too...
Monday, October 20, 2008
It's Like Regular Kayaking, But Less Fun
This Saturday, my friends and I invented a new sport. We call it "hikaking." Hikaking is like regular kayaking except instead of paddling happily down the river you spend half your time hiking through knee deep cold water dragging your boat across slippery rocks. It's about as awesome as it sounds.
We intended to spend the brisk and sunny fall morning doing a short run of river near Murfreesboro - a little over 6 miles, which, according to the book, should have taken us about three and a half hours.
It took us over six.
It was supposed to be cool - we dressed accordingly - but sunny. And for part of the trip it was. How refreshing, to be outside in the beautiful fall weather! The water was clear and we spotted fish, turtles, a snake, and maybe possibly an otter-type creature.
But a few hours in and suddenly the sun was gone, obscured by a sky full of fat clouds, a few of which threatened rain. Practically everyone was wet to the waist with cold clingy clothes. The injuries were mounting - a bruised tailbone, blistering hands, a bloodied knee (that one was me). The effort it took to dislodge your boat from its perch on yet another rock seemed overwhelming. Around literally every bend we were crushed to discover not the bridge that signaled the end of our journey but just... more... river...
The camraderie of paddling as a pack gave way to the efficiency of desperation as we split up, sending a pair ahead each time to scout out what awaited us and then direct the other boats through the trecherous waters.
But we survived, somehow, as evidenced by the fact that I am here to recount the story for you. On the back end of the trip, I can say I'm glad we did it. As an utterly non-adventurous and non-outdoorsy type of person, it feels kinda cool to have this story to tell. And I feel a little sense of pride at my gnarly knee wound which must be explained with something a little more exciting than, "I fell down."
Nope, this time it is more like, "I fell down... while dragging my kayak across jagged slick river rocks after hours of hikaking. My knee was totally dripping blood. I had to dig some rock fragments out of it. It was awesome. Wanna see?"
PS. My friend Lila who was there wrote a post about our trip as well... she posted some of our pictures too. Click here to read her version!
We intended to spend the brisk and sunny fall morning doing a short run of river near Murfreesboro - a little over 6 miles, which, according to the book, should have taken us about three and a half hours.
It took us over six.
It was supposed to be cool - we dressed accordingly - but sunny. And for part of the trip it was. How refreshing, to be outside in the beautiful fall weather! The water was clear and we spotted fish, turtles, a snake, and maybe possibly an otter-type creature.
But a few hours in and suddenly the sun was gone, obscured by a sky full of fat clouds, a few of which threatened rain. Practically everyone was wet to the waist with cold clingy clothes. The injuries were mounting - a bruised tailbone, blistering hands, a bloodied knee (that one was me). The effort it took to dislodge your boat from its perch on yet another rock seemed overwhelming. Around literally every bend we were crushed to discover not the bridge that signaled the end of our journey but just... more... river...
The camraderie of paddling as a pack gave way to the efficiency of desperation as we split up, sending a pair ahead each time to scout out what awaited us and then direct the other boats through the trecherous waters.
But we survived, somehow, as evidenced by the fact that I am here to recount the story for you. On the back end of the trip, I can say I'm glad we did it. As an utterly non-adventurous and non-outdoorsy type of person, it feels kinda cool to have this story to tell. And I feel a little sense of pride at my gnarly knee wound which must be explained with something a little more exciting than, "I fell down."
Nope, this time it is more like, "I fell down... while dragging my kayak across jagged slick river rocks after hours of hikaking. My knee was totally dripping blood. I had to dig some rock fragments out of it. It was awesome. Wanna see?"
PS. My friend Lila who was there wrote a post about our trip as well... she posted some of our pictures too. Click here to read her version!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Salad Love
It is a fact well-known by many people (especially my coworkers) that last year I fell in love. It was unexpected, but I couldn't help myself. After the first rendevous, I was hooked. Soon, the whole world knew about my love affair, since I flaunted it openly - and practically daily.
I'm speaking, of course, of the Fuji Apple Chicken Salad from Panera.
It was divine, blissful even. For someone who only decided in the past few years to start eating salad, I never thought I would find one I loved quite so much. But crisp field greens, crunchy pecans, tangy gorganzola cheese, tender chicken, and candy-like dried apple slices combined for the most heavenly salad this world has ever seen.
And then, as quickly as our affair had begun, it was over. In a cold, calculated move aimed, I'm convinced, directly at me, Panera took the Fuji Apple Chicken Salad off the menu. Sometime last spring, it was just... gone. GONE.
All summer I basically rejected Panera. I had the occassional bowl of soup or panini, but inside I was harboring anger and bitterness. What right did they have to take my love away?!
Recently they added a new salad, the Orchard Harvest salad. At first I rejected Panera's attempt to woo me back with this offering. One day, desperate to feel something - anything - again, I caved. I was presented with a bowl full of lettuce, pecans, gorgonzola cheese... this was looking familiar. Sure, the apple and chicken had been replaced with dried cherries and fresh cut pear, but there was enough similarities to pique my interest.
My relationship with Orchard Harvest wasn't the whirlwind I'd had with Fuji. I think that kind of love happens once in a lifetime - if you're lucky. But Orchard Harvest and I built something, slowly, over time. These past few weeks I've found myself at Panera again and again, always for the salad with a side of Baked Potato soup. Our relationship based on trust and committment. Me & Orchard Harvest - we're good together. And I'm in this for the long haul.
Unless they bring back Fuji later this fall. In which case... sorry Orchard Harvest. But you can't fight your first love.
I'm speaking, of course, of the Fuji Apple Chicken Salad from Panera.
It was divine, blissful even. For someone who only decided in the past few years to start eating salad, I never thought I would find one I loved quite so much. But crisp field greens, crunchy pecans, tangy gorganzola cheese, tender chicken, and candy-like dried apple slices combined for the most heavenly salad this world has ever seen.
And then, as quickly as our affair had begun, it was over. In a cold, calculated move aimed, I'm convinced, directly at me, Panera took the Fuji Apple Chicken Salad off the menu. Sometime last spring, it was just... gone. GONE.
All summer I basically rejected Panera. I had the occassional bowl of soup or panini, but inside I was harboring anger and bitterness. What right did they have to take my love away?!
Recently they added a new salad, the Orchard Harvest salad. At first I rejected Panera's attempt to woo me back with this offering. One day, desperate to feel something - anything - again, I caved. I was presented with a bowl full of lettuce, pecans, gorgonzola cheese... this was looking familiar. Sure, the apple and chicken had been replaced with dried cherries and fresh cut pear, but there was enough similarities to pique my interest.
Orchard Harvest Salad
My relationship with Orchard Harvest wasn't the whirlwind I'd had with Fuji. I think that kind of love happens once in a lifetime - if you're lucky. But Orchard Harvest and I built something, slowly, over time. These past few weeks I've found myself at Panera again and again, always for the salad with a side of Baked Potato soup. Our relationship based on trust and committment. Me & Orchard Harvest - we're good together. And I'm in this for the long haul.
Unless they bring back Fuji later this fall. In which case... sorry Orchard Harvest. But you can't fight your first love.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Headband Headache
This one is for all the ladies out there.
I don't want to complain about headbands. I love them. I am so glad they are back in style and available in a bevy of adorable colors, prints, and widths. However...
We all know how it feels. You're a few hours into your day, rockin' the cutest little headband to hold back your too long bangs or unwashed hair or to spruce up a ponytail (headbands cover a multitude of hair sins). Soon, however, you begin to feel it. The sides of your head, from your temples to your cheeks, start to ache. Sweet relief can be yours if you remove the headband, which you might do for a few minutes in the privacy of your own office, pressing your fingers into the tender indentations behind your ears. But you can't afford to be in comfort for long, because of course your hair has a permanent dent from where the headband was, or your bangs are now standing on end... and you just look really weird. So, back on goes the headband, which now instead of being your partner in cuteness is your enemy in the axis of pain.
Solutions have long been offered - a head scarf! An item which looks like a headband but has elastic in the back so it is soft! A bandana! I own all these things, and while they are cute in their own right, they come with their own problems. No pain - but then they're slipping off your head or causing the hair at the nape of your neck to bump up over the fabric making it look like you have a neck tumor. Just... so many problems.
So, here's the thing, headband makers of the world. Just, take a headband and hold it in your hands and look at it for a second. The space between the ear pieces is probably what... two inches? Now look at the average human head. It is probably a good 6 or 7 inches wide. So. You do the math. I understand it needs to be smaller to keep the tension to hold the hair down, but maybe we could meet somewhere in the middle. Because right now, my head is in the middle of a headband. And it is saying ouch.
P.S. Just like high heels, I will continue to wear headbands even though they cause me pain. Because they are adorable.
I don't want to complain about headbands. I love them. I am so glad they are back in style and available in a bevy of adorable colors, prints, and widths. However...
We all know how it feels. You're a few hours into your day, rockin' the cutest little headband to hold back your too long bangs or unwashed hair or to spruce up a ponytail (headbands cover a multitude of hair sins). Soon, however, you begin to feel it. The sides of your head, from your temples to your cheeks, start to ache. Sweet relief can be yours if you remove the headband, which you might do for a few minutes in the privacy of your own office, pressing your fingers into the tender indentations behind your ears. But you can't afford to be in comfort for long, because of course your hair has a permanent dent from where the headband was, or your bangs are now standing on end... and you just look really weird. So, back on goes the headband, which now instead of being your partner in cuteness is your enemy in the axis of pain.
Solutions have long been offered - a head scarf! An item which looks like a headband but has elastic in the back so it is soft! A bandana! I own all these things, and while they are cute in their own right, they come with their own problems. No pain - but then they're slipping off your head or causing the hair at the nape of your neck to bump up over the fabric making it look like you have a neck tumor. Just... so many problems.
So, here's the thing, headband makers of the world. Just, take a headband and hold it in your hands and look at it for a second. The space between the ear pieces is probably what... two inches? Now look at the average human head. It is probably a good 6 or 7 inches wide. So. You do the math. I understand it needs to be smaller to keep the tension to hold the hair down, but maybe we could meet somewhere in the middle. Because right now, my head is in the middle of a headband. And it is saying ouch.
P.S. Just like high heels, I will continue to wear headbands even though they cause me pain. Because they are adorable.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Nooooooooooooo
You know what is just depressing? That horrible sinking feeling of despair you get watching the clock slowly run out when your team is down. The long-awaited Red River Shootout game went to Texas today, with a final score of 45-35 against my beloved Oklahoma Sooners.
Sigh.
But I will say this - it was an incredible game to watch. There were amazing plays, good calls, bad calls, incredible quarterbacks and passes, and one ridiculous (but effective) injury fake by the OU punter. So no one likes to see their team defeated, but at least it was entertaining. Okay, I could've done without the last quarter.
Sigh.
But I will say this - it was an incredible game to watch. There were amazing plays, good calls, bad calls, incredible quarterbacks and passes, and one ridiculous (but effective) injury fake by the OU punter. So no one likes to see their team defeated, but at least it was entertaining. Okay, I could've done without the last quarter.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Jim's Version of Battlestar Galactica
I took a break from watching the Twilight trailer last night to watch the new episode of The Office, and I just had to post this, my favorite scene. Maybe one of my new favorite scenes ever. I had to rewatch it a few times because the first time I was laughing so hard I couldn't hear half the jokes. Oh Office, I'm so glad you're back!
Thursday, October 09, 2008
This One's For Rachel
...who of course started it all. It's also for Jen, Bethany, Lila, Anamarie, and Jenny. And my mom's middle school youth group girls.
EDIT 10/20: Added to the fold this week, my coworker Angilee. WELCOME TO THE SWOONING, my friend. Welcome.
EDIT 10/31: New addition to the fan list, our intern Sarah. Yaaaaay!
EDIT 10/20: Added to the fold this week, my coworker Angilee. WELCOME TO THE SWOONING, my friend. Welcome.
EDIT 10/31: New addition to the fan list, our intern Sarah. Yaaaaay!
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Just a Little Thing
Yesterday I came home and Scruffy had been up on the couch - not the "approved" couch with his blanket on it, but the other couch that was covered in piles for freshly cleaned clothes which Ben had folded earlier. So as I was righting the overturned stacks and straightening a few things that had come undone, I just thought... I love the way Ben folds my clothes. It's always a little bit off, never quite as straight and flat as mine turn out. But it's like he's folded each piece very thoughtfully and deliberately, every tank top and tee given equal attention, making little piles of my shirts and socks and underwear. Just a silly little domestic thing but it made me smile.
So thanks babe, for folding the clothes. And also I love you.
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