I don't know if you heard, but there was a wedding this weekend.
In what was probably the most-hyped wedding since that of his own parents, Prince William married his long-time girlfriend Kate Middleton on Friday. The ceremony was watched around the world, by over 20 million just in the United States. Including me. That's right, I crawled out of bed before 5am and turned on the TV just in time to see the bride emerge from her car in front of the church. She was, in a word, stunning. This is my favorite picture of her in that moment. Just about to become a princess.
You got a sense during the ceremony - as much as one can "sense" these things about two people they don't know, through a television set - that they were truly in love and happy to be marrying each other. With my apologies to Will for the unflattering angle, look how cute and smiley they were at the altar:
It turned out to be a marriage-centered weekend on the whole. Friday night, Ben came home after being gone all week in Los Angeles. Really in a way he was coming home from being mostly gone for two months, entrenched in work that kept him away almost all day (and half the night) every day for March and April. It was fitting that the first thing we did together on Saturday was attend a marriage seminar at church, led by our pastor Ray and his wife Jani. Then today, Ray preached on marriage again. There were so many sweet, convicting, and encouraging truths about marriage revealed and reinforced over these two days. I thought I would share just a few of these thoughts here. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did! (If it seems a little lopsided toward advice for women, that's just because I was writing what seemed most pertinent to me in my notes! Don't worry, they spent equal time instructing the guys. I tried to catch some of that too!)
*Marriage was a gift from God in the garden. It speaks to how highly He values it that he allowed humanity to retain the blessing of marriage even after the fall.
*A wife is one of the chief vehicles for her husband to receive goodness from the Lord. A high and holy calling.
*The woman is called helper. It is not a small or demeaning label! In scripture, God himself is called our Help and our Helper! A helper is someone who is able to give support from a position of strength, in the fullness of her experience, wisdom, and talents.
*To be married is to have a "one-flesh" relationship: one mortal life fully shared. One story. One reputation. One ministry. One victory.
*Submission is a word women fear, but it needn't be. It is not a demeaning human social invention. It began in heaven, and culminated when Christ submitted to the will of the Father. When frightened by the noble calling of submission, PRAY. Ask God for the strength to trust that He ordered things correctly.
*It is voluntary, not a demand from a husband. It is a gracious adaptability. It is deference over defiance. It is an offering to God when we yield in love - as Christ yielded before the will of the Father. It has nothing to do with weakness or not being able to communicate together.
*I can seek to live above my feelings, so they don't dictate my commitment.
*A Christian husband enriches the splendor of his wife's life. Because of his love, she becomes more formidable in the hand of God. He nourishes and cherishes his wife. He is a conduit of Jesus' divine love for her.
*Don't be fooled by the commonality of marriage in human existence. The marriage of two believers is a revelation of the gospel on display.
*No woman wants to have to earn her husband's love. In the same way, wives can give their husbands respect as a gift, not as something to be earned. They will understand respect as love.
How the Gospel Changes Marriage
*A law-consumed husband/wife says "_______ or else." Remember this, say this, provide this, do this, or else. Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law - from the "or else" clause of life. That should change our marriages too.
*Marriage is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. This is the relationship Christ has with us. Satisfaction in the love of Christ is the best defense of your marriage. Don't burden your spouse with expectations of perfection.
*This passage teaches each role (husband/wife) how to look to Christ as the example.
*A Christ-like wife: a spirit that receives rather than competes is called very precious! You can change your husband, even something as serious as his beliefs, by this. But no matter what your husband's response to your pure conduct, it is beautiful in God's sight.
*Focus most on adorning yourself with the imperishable things. Worry is not beautiful. Hope in God is beautiful.
*Family idolatry is not the call of the gospel. Don't worship your children, or your spouse.
*A Christ-like husband: study your wife so that you can understand her most deeply. Love her in the way that is meaningful to HER. If she is unsatisfied even after that? Love her anyway. Christ loved us when we would not be satisfied, even unto death.
*Weaker vessel is a reference to what women endure physically that men do not. Honor your wife in that, and give her first consideration.
*For both men and women, the idea that "this (ie, strong-willed, stubborn, shy, laid-back) is just the personality I was born with" can't hold water. In Christ we are reborn. We are freed and made able to be more like Christ, despite our personalities.
*Spiritually, we are equals before God: co-heirs. Together.
*Above all else, a Christian marriage exists to the glory of God.
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