Feet

Sweet Baby James,

I don't really like feet - mine, or anyone else's. So it seems kind of funny that one of the first things I'm think I'm going to kiss and cuddle when you finally arrive is your precious little feet. They have been my constant companion these past few months. Almost daily I have a moment with your feet protruding from my side, a hard little bump where you're digging in your heels. Even though now you've gotten so big and strong that it can border on painful when you really stretch your legs, I still love feeling that part of you from the outside in. It's like your feet are reminding me that you - a little person! - are really, truly in there, and that you're coming out to see me soon (like just a few more days soon). I can hardly wait to see your soft, wrinkly skinned soles and ten teensy toes. Yours will be the first feet ever that I just adore.

Love,

Momma

Pride & Humility

Can I just copy the entire chapter "The Great Sin" from Mere Christianity? If that book intimidates you in jumping in from Page 1 - and it does me, I've still never made it straight through from beginning to end - go and get a copy and just start with this chapter. Or at least read these excerpts and know there is much, much more. It gets me every time. "Thank goodness I'm not proud! Wait, dang it, I totally am." Thanks, Mr. Lewis.

'There is no fault which makes a man more unpopular, and no fault which we are more unconscious of in ourselves. And the more we have it ourselves, the more we dislike it in others... In fact, if you want to find out how proud you are the easiest way is to ask ourself, 'How much do I dislike it when other people snub me, or refuse to take any notice of me, or shove their oar in, or patronise me, or show off?' The point is that each person's pride is in competition with every one else's pride... [Pride] is competitive by its very nature... Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man... It is the comparison that makes you proud.

[Pride] comes direct from hell. It is purely spiritual: consequently it is far more subtle and deadly. For the same reason, Pride can often be used to beat down the simpler vices... [at this] the devil laughs. He is perfectly content to see you becoming chaste and brave and self-controlled provided, all the time, he is setting up in you the Dictatorship of Pride... For pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.

The real black, diabolical Pride, comes when you look down on others so much that you do not care what they think of you. Of course, it is very right, and often our duty, not to care what people think of us, if we do so for the right reason; namely, because we care so incomparably more what God thinks. But the Proud man has a different reason for not caring. He says, 'Why should I care for the applause of that rabble as if their opinion were worth anything? And even if their opinions were of value, am I the sort of man to blush with pleasure at a compliment...? No, I am an integrated, adult personality. All I have done has been done to satisfy my own ideals - or my artistic conscience - or the traditions of my family...'

The point is, [God] wants you to know Him: wants to give you Himself. And He and you are two things of such a kind that if you really get into any kind of touch with Him you will, in fact, be humble - delightedly humble, feeling the infinite relief of having for once got rid of all the silly nonsense about your own dignity which has made you restless and unhappy all your life.

Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call 'humble' nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all."

37 Weeks

Today was Mother's Day. I'm so thankful for my mom and Ben's mom too, and really for all the mothers in our lives who shaped us and our family. I hope I was paying attention all these past years, because I'm close to needing all their wisdom to put into practice myself!

Yep, this weekend I made it to 37 weeks! General consensus says this is full-term, although 38 weeks is the mark according to some sources. Either way, our baby boy is green-lit to safely arrive any time, from tomorrow (I'm not quite ready for that) until I get close to 42 weeks (I'll be way more than ready by then). Of course I'm under strict non-medical orders from my sister to keep a lock-down on Sweet Baby James until after her masters-program graduation in two weeks. I've assured her I'll do the best I can!

For my almost-a-mother's day gift, Ben took me to the mall to complete our family set of grey Chucks. I had posted previously about how we received tiny baby shoes to match Ben's favorite pair, and I am so excited to have my very own now! Here's me on the left (or I guess on the top):

Yesterday I had a little shower with some ladies from church. It was such a sweet afternoon and everyone was so generous. After that, Ben and I got a few remaining needed items at Target and on their website. I'm getting close to having the nursery ready and will take some pics and post them soon. I did remember to ask Ben to take my picture before I left for the shower. This belly is serious business! Or as we like to joke around the house, does this dress make me look pregnant?

The other news from this past week was that, after all the drama of Tuesday and the hospital, I had a follow-up ultrasound on Thursday afternoon and the results were GREAT! He aced his BPP, 8 out of 8 points, and the amniotic fluid levels were at almost 12. So far I've been at 6, 6, 5, and 7, so 12 was such an exciting improvement! I drank over a gallon of water on Wednesday, which I'm convinced must have helped. So if anyone else has low amniotic fluid, and they tell you to drink a lot of water, they mean a LOT of water! This week I will just have a regular check-up and no other tests. Praising God for this development!

You Little Stinker!

Sweet, Ornery Baby James,

Alright, look you. I'm beginning to think you have quite the little personality in there already and you're not even born yet. All these little spooks and scares you've been giving us have, thus far, turned out to be false alarms, and yesterday was the biggest one yet.

To back up a little, last week we had two great appointments with good reports at each. At the appointment with the midwife on Tuesday, we got hooked up to the monitor. You looked great - healthy and normal. My tummy measured right as it should. And as an added bonus, my Group B Strep test was negative. Then on Friday we had a special ultrasound called a Biophysical Profile (BPP). They measure you as usual, and measure the amniotic fluid, but also look at your movement, your positioning, and the strength of your practice breathing. You, my dear, aced it all with flying colors. They estimated you had grown to over six pounds, little chunk! You were moving around a lot, and doing lots of good practice breathing getting your little lungs ready for the outside world. And the best news of all: my amniotic fluid levels had gone up to seven. That's still on the low end, but a nice improvement over the previous week. So we had lots to celebrate last week!

Yesterday we went in for our regular 36 week check-up with the midwife. I got hooked up to the monitor again. After the first 20 minutes, Lauren said she didn't really like what she was seeing. Your little heart was thumping away, but it was staying on the highest end of normal, and when the read-out showed I'd had a little contraction, your heart-rate had dipped down briefly. Neither of those things are desirable. She explained that the normal heart-rate is usually between 120-160, and it is best to have a baseline with little jumps and leaps that correspond with your movement. Since your heart-rate appeared to dip with my contraction, she said that could be a sign that you weren't very comfy in there and could use more fluid to cushion you. She had us remain on the monitor for another 20 minutes to see what would happen, but there was no change. After looking it all over again, she decided she would send us over to the hospital to be admitted. Thank goodness your dad was with me, because otherwise I probably would've lost it. Lauren explained that at the hospital they could give me IV fluids and monitor me for a longer time so they could watch for improvement. She said they might also choose to do a BPP ultrasound to check on you more. I would also be able to meet another one of the midwives, Lori, who was currently on call at the hospital.

So off we went to the hospital! Which was, conveniently, right around the corner. In a way it was a good little trial run for when we have to go in for the real deal. We figured out where to park and where we would check in. I got admitted and put in a room with a comfy bed and the nurse hooked me up to their bigger, fancier monitor. Ben happened to have his computer, so we got that hooked up to the free wi-fi and watched some shows on Hulu while we waited! The nurse also had to put in an IV, in the back of my hand, which really hurt! She apologized profusely. We got the fluids started and then it was just a waiting game. The midwife on call was in the middle of a delivery so I'd have some good time to be monitored. When the nurse came to check after about an hour she commented on how great you looked. We could tell a difference based on what Lauren had described too. This time, you were bouncing around and your heart-rate was correspondingly jumping up too. It was staying in the 120-160 range, too. And there wasn't any dipping when the monitor recorded contractions. After a couple hours and one liter of fluids, the midwife Lori came to check on us. Once again, she thought you looked great! She didn't think I needed more fluids and after consulting with the doctors, they agreed that I could be discharged and not get a BPP ultrasound that day, but just continue with the one I already had scheduled for later this week.

So home we went! We decided you must have wanted some extra attention and knew just how to get it. I am so thankful that you are okay, and I'll take all the reassurance they can give me, but I'd prefer if it was just smooth sailing from here and no more false alarms from you, mister! That's a direct order from your momma here.

I can't believe it is such a short time until we will be meeting you face to face. Less than four weeks till my due date now. Can you just behave yourself a little longer?!

Love,

Momma

A Wedding; A Marriage

I don't know if you heard, but there was a wedding this weekend.

In what was probably the most-hyped wedding since that of his own parents, Prince William married his long-time girlfriend Kate Middleton on Friday. The ceremony was watched around the world, by over 20 million just in the United States. Including me. That's right, I crawled out of bed before 5am and turned on the TV just in time to see the bride emerge from her car in front of the church. She was, in a word, stunning. This is my favorite picture of her in that moment. Just about to become a princess.

You got a sense during the ceremony - as much as one can "sense" these things about two people they don't know, through a television set - that they were truly in love and happy to be marrying each other. With my apologies to Will for the unflattering angle, look how cute and smiley they were at the altar:

It turned out to be a marriage-centered weekend on the whole. Friday night, Ben came home after being gone all week in Los Angeles. Really in a way he was coming home from being mostly gone for two months, entrenched in work that kept him away almost all day (and half the night) every day for March and April. It was fitting that the first thing we did together on Saturday was attend a marriage seminar at church, led by our pastor Ray and his wife Jani. Then today, Ray preached on marriage again. There were so many sweet, convicting, and encouraging truths about marriage revealed and reinforced over these two days. I thought I would share just a few of these thoughts here. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did! (If it seems a little lopsided toward advice for women, that's just because I was writing what seemed most pertinent to me in my notes! Don't worry, they spent equal time instructing the guys. I tried to catch some of that too!)

Genesis 2:18-25

*Marriage was a gift from God in the garden. It speaks to how highly He values it that he allowed humanity to retain the blessing of marriage even after the fall.

*A wife is one of the chief vehicles for her husband to receive goodness from the Lord. A high and holy calling.

*The woman is called helper. It is not a small or demeaning label! In scripture, God himself is called our Help and our Helper! A helper is someone who is able to give support from a position of strength, in the fullness of her experience, wisdom, and talents.

*To be married is to have a "one-flesh" relationship: one mortal life fully shared. One story. One reputation. One ministry. One victory.

Ephesians 5:22-33

*Submission is a word women fear, but it needn't be. It is not a demeaning human social invention. It began in heaven, and culminated when Christ submitted to the will of the Father. When frightened by the noble calling of submission, PRAY. Ask God for the strength to trust that He ordered things correctly.

*It is voluntary, not a demand from a husband. It is a gracious adaptability. It is deference over defiance. It is an offering to God when we yield in love - as Christ yielded before the will of the Father. It has nothing to do with weakness or not being able to communicate together.

*I can seek to live above my feelings, so they don't dictate my commitment.

*A Christian husband enriches the splendor of his wife's life. Because of his love, she becomes more formidable in the hand of God. He nourishes and cherishes his wife. He is a conduit of Jesus' divine love for her.

*Don't be fooled by the commonality of marriage in human existence. The marriage of two believers is a revelation of the gospel on display.

*No woman wants to have to earn her husband's love. In the same way, wives can give their husbands respect as a gift, not as something to be earned. They will understand respect as love.

How the Gospel Changes Marriage

*A law-consumed husband/wife says "_______ or else." Remember this, say this, provide this, do this, or else. Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law - from the "or else" clause of life. That should change our marriages too.

*Marriage is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. This is the relationship Christ has with us. Satisfaction in the love of Christ is the best defense of your marriage. Don't burden your spouse with expectations of perfection.

1 Peter 3:1-7

*This passage teaches each role (husband/wife) how to look to Christ as the example.

*A Christ-like wife: a spirit that receives rather than competes is called very precious! You can change your husband, even something as serious as his beliefs, by this. But no matter what your husband's response to your pure conduct, it is beautiful in God's sight.

*Focus most on adorning yourself with the imperishable things. Worry is not beautiful. Hope in God is beautiful.

*Family idolatry is not the call of the gospel. Don't worship your children, or your spouse.

*A Christ-like husband: study your wife so that you can understand her most deeply. Love her in the way that is meaningful to HER. If she is unsatisfied even after that? Love her anyway. Christ loved us when we would not be satisfied, even unto death.

*Weaker vessel is a reference to what women endure physically that men do not. Honor your wife in that, and give her first consideration.

*For both men and women, the idea that "this (ie, strong-willed, stubborn, shy, laid-back) is just the personality I was born with" can't hold water. In Christ we are reborn. We are freed and made able to be more like Christ, despite our personalities.

*Spiritually, we are equals before God: co-heirs. Together.

*Above all else, a Christian marriage exists to the glory of God.