RANK THE RUFFLES
Ruffles were all over everything last night, with varying degrees of success. Here is how I felt about them.
Call me crazy, but I don't actually hate this dress. It is weird, to be sure, but it certainly caught my attention and when she walked the fluttering movement of the fabric was very lovely. I don't like the color, which I would describe as... not a color. But I will give these ruffles a B for unique placement and visual interest.Anna Kendrick
It doesn't look it so much in this picture, but on TV the ruffles on Anna's dress were overwhelming to her tiny-ness. The ruffle plus the print, delicate as it is, were just too much for such a small person. I love that she respected the classiness of the event, but I also think she's young enough that she could afford a little more fun. For the Oscars, I expect improvement! C- for a disadvantageous ruffle-to-person ratio.Christina Hendricks
Fellas (do any guys read my blog? Ben?) might want to scroll on down, because I'm going to talk about boobs here, and how to manage them, in a strictly utilitarian sense. Christina, who plays the sassy Joan on Mad Men, is a gorgeous voluptuous lady. She has a true hourglass figure with curves up top and on bottom and a relatively little waist in between. Homegirl has some boobs and hips. The problem with wearing a strapless dress when you are so endowed is that the mechanics of the undergarments are so structured that they only serve to make your boobs look even bigger. A fascinating study in defying gravity, but yikes that is a lot of chest just baaaaarely hanging onto that dress. As if that weren't enough, the designer is going to throw some gigantic shiny ruffles over one hip? I don't think that was necessary, Christian Siriano from Project Runway Season 4. On a positive note, I kind of love this color on her; just the right side of peach to make her skin look amazing. I also love her hair, which some wise stylist kept simple and soft.SPARKLY FOR THE WIN
Like a magpie or a raccoon, I'm quite fond of sparkly things. Plus I love when ladies get sparkly for awards shows, because I feel like it conveys that they're there to have fun and not get too serious about things. You can't be too serious in head-to-toe sequins and rhinestones and sparkles.
Toni Collette
I was making notes as I watched so I could keep track of my initial reactions to the dresses. What I wrote for Toni was: "Sparkly! Fun! Love it!" I think all of that still stands. Flattering shape, added interest from the lines and geometric bodice, and wisely accessorized with just a few simple touches. My overall favorite from the night.Olivia Wilde
Thank goodness she redeemed herself from the figure-skating lace debacle of the Emmys. I love the slick look of the gunmetal-colored sequins. This low neckline can still look classy on someone like Olivia because she isn't trying to squeeze some DDs in there. I'm looking at you, Mariah Carey. We were ALL looking at you.
I still haven't seen a picture of Anna's dress close-up enough to tell what exactly her dress was made of (are those giant sequins? shiny scales?) but, in a nutshell, I LOVE IT. I have maybe three times in my life said that about an article of clothing that involved shoulder pads. She looked happy, fresh-faced, fun, and most importantly, sparkly.REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE THAT BRIDESMAID DRESS
We started off with some looks I loved. Now let's look at some... others. I really hate when celebrities wear dresses that look like glorified bridesmaid dresses. Whether it be color, style, or worst of all both, people with thousands of dollars and teams of stylists at their disposal should do better than something out of a wedding album. However nice a wedding it might have been.
Fergie
It is really, really, really hard to wear a periwinkle dress that doesn't look bridesmaidsy. The style doesn't help, which I would also describe as... bridesmaidsy. In other news, I don't know WHY someone can't help Fergie part her hair to the side and get some matte powder. EVERY. TIME.Lauren Graham
This is so, so pink. And I LIKE pink. But it's also so, so shiny. And strapless, shiny, pink ballgown... well my friends, that's by definition a bridesmaids dress.OH, THAT'S... INTERESTING... I HAVE COMMENTS.
I have some things to say about these ladies. Mostly just about their clothes.
Diane Kruger
This girl is a knockout who is dating adorable wonderful Pacey (who insists on going by his actual name, Joshua Jackson, as opposed to his Dawson's Creek character from the 90s). She has been known to take some risks on the red carpet, and I'm all for that. When the results are awesome. Supermodel looks and the body to accompany it mean you can get away with wearing a lot of crazy stuff. I don't think this is one of those times. I read reports that at varying angles this dress was awesome, artsy, whatever, but I can't get on board. The ombre on the neckline looks like when I mixed two colors of Play-Doh as a child. That plus the fussy draping, the random white bow, the frumpy column skirt... And the pink, the pink, everywhere the pink.Penelope Cruz
I like the bottom of Penelope's dress. I really like the middle of Penelope's dress. I don't really care for the top part of Penelope's dress. But what I really think, and what the girl on the right of this photo is also clearly thinking, is that none of the three parts go together at all. The bottom is from a romantic lace gown, the middle is like a sexy modern dress, and the top is, well, the top is still weird. But what I was also thinking, as was that girl in the photo, is that Penelope is still really pretty and we covet her shiny hair.Kate Hudson
This whole look was very very weird. My friend Heather rightly commented that Kate looked like a wedding cake - the front of the dress is so smooth and structured that it could be made of fondant. It was a little bit costumey, which is fine, I guess, but... still seemed a departure from Kate's usual "California Girl" cool.Julianna Margulies
I don't dislike this dress. But then again, I love Star Trek.Marion Cotillard
I definitely thought this was black when I saw it on TV. I don't mind that it is actually deep blue-green. But the little peek-a-boo slip is a weird little detail that makes the dress seem campy. I would've just gone with the high slit. Go big or go home, Marion. Jennifer Aniston did it.WTH (What the Headband)
I think this category is self-explanatory. And there's really only one offender.
January Jones
I feel bad for January Jones, because after her horrendous hosting appearance on Saturday Night Live, there was lots of speculation that her drawn, cold, dead-eyed portrayal of Betty Draper on Mad Men was just actually her personality. I can understand that in real life she wants to distance herself fashion-wise from Betty's 60s style. I just don't know why that has to involve ill-placed headbands and ugly baggy dresses.LET'S FIX THIS
There were plenty of fashions that had lots of potential and just needed a tiny bit of tweaking to get to awesome. I've got some suggestions.
Drew Barrymore
I thought Drew Barrymore looked really gorgeous. At the Emmys I chastised her for doing the "all-one-color" look but this neutral shade is just right. I love the delicate fabric and burst of beading. Her hair and make-up were lovely and I think she's continuing this phase of looking the healthiest and happiest she's looked in her life.There's something else I wanted to say about this dress. I just can't remember what it was. But I have a strong urge to clean my dusters. And research coral formations. And rip those hideous growths off of Drew's dress. Oh yes, that was it.
Maggie Gyllenhaal
Can we just agree that peach/nude shades are very, very tricky? I think they are done wrong more often that right. I do think brunettes have more success than blondes, and I think Maggie is quite close to the right shade for her. I love the shape of this dress on her long, lean figure, and the fabric is very unique. You can tell a bit in this closer picture, but it is a sort of pebbled effect. You can also see in that photo her hair, which I loved - it showed off her long neck and was simple but not stiff. The only thing is... doesn't that front piece kind of look like a seatbelt? Wouldn't it be better as just strapless? Me thinks yes.Tina Fey
Oh, Tina-na-na. I think I'll try to trick my mind into incorrectly remembering this dress as full-length and we can all go about our day feeling a lot better about things.Kristen Bell
Speaking of people who need instructions in dress length, when I saw Kristen step onto the red carpet on TV, I immediately said, "Oh, the Fug Girls are going to have a field day with that." (If you don't know, Go Fug Yourself is the ultimate fashion website and the girls who blog there are the funniest, snarkiest commentators out there. I purposefully don't look at their site when I'm writing these blogs because I'd totally just want to copy and paste everything they say.) For years they've been berating Kristen for "stumpefying" herself with dresses that are short but not short enough. It's true, and this is no exception. I normally wouldn't offer this advice to anyone, but hike that skirt up a few inches girl! In other news, this looks like a shiny bedsheet.BAD COLOR
I said this before, but I think neutral colors like nude, peach, taupe, and anything in the yellow family are really tough. The right shade is going to make your skin glow and your hair shine and your eyes sparkle. The wrong shade is more frequent, and here are a few examples.
Jennifer Garner
I don't know if I would like this dress a LOT more if it were a different color, but I would like it a LITTLE more for sure. This color, I would call... dishwater. I hate her hair. I want her arms. That about wraps it up for Mrs. Affleck.Jennifer Morrison
This is so, so, so ugly. So ugly. I forgot how ugly I thought it was on TV until I went and found this picture. She's fallen into the dangerous pit that blondes must avoid: hair, skin, dress, all one color. Maybe if she had her brown hair back, or maybe if this was a different color, or maybe if the dress was less ugly, that would help.Nicole Kidman
This is so, so, so ugly. So ugly. I forgot how ugly I thought it was on TV until I went and found this picture. (So handy, I was just able to copy and paste that comment from Jennifer's dress and use it here for Nicole.) I don't mind if Nicole wants to wear this color because it suits her skin and hair. But WHY IS IT SO SHINY? This is even more shiny than normal shiny satin. Nicole Kidman is a gorgeous, tall woman, and someone stuck here in this sad shiny overwrought lopsided ugly sack. Criminal!PS. If you just stare at that dress, it keeps getting worse and worse. Avert your eyes!
GOOD COLOR
Let's cleanse our palette and wrap things up by checking out a bevy of beauties who knocked it out of the park in the color department. It doesn't have to be bright but it has to be right!
Zoe Saldana
I still don't know exactly what is going on with Zoe's dress, but this gorgeous color covers a multitude of sins, even if those sins may be a skirt covered in tassels. She's beautiful and this crimson only enhances that. Soft and romantic, her whole look was a win.Sofia Vergara
This was a WHOLE lotta dress, but it was the first one we saw on the red carpet coverage we watched, and it was really special on camera. It actually seemed more grey than the blueish tint it has in this photo. That plus the pop of burgandy was very unique.Sandra Bullock
I didn't really love all the aspects of this dress, but I loved the color on Sandra. The skirt is just barely see-through, which I think is kind of perfectly cheeky. I was waffling on whether the fabric seemed cheap, but again, the purple is so great and fun that I'm feeling forgiving. Also isn't this picture of her hubby holding the umbrella just adorable?Emily Blunt
I could not find a picture that did Emily's dress justice, so just take my word for it. Plus this picture has her fiance John Krasinski in it, so we all win, don't we? Her hair looked bedraggled but the dress was divine, like a delicious whipped pink cloud. This is another color that works better on a tan brunette.Jane Lynch
Jane's olive gown was awesome and suited her personality. I'm a sucker for pockets on a dress! Isn't this a good color for her?Mo'Nique
Mo'Nique was glowing all night, and this dress only amplified that. The shape was SO flattering for her, the vertical pleating of the skirt had beautiful movement, and the color was magic with her skin. I loved that she didn't even have accessories, except her smile and, after her win, her shiny award. Flawless.Thanks so much for reading! Awards season has only just begun so I am sure we'll have more celebrities to study in the near future! What did YOU think of the Golden Globes fashions and who was YOUR best and worst of the night? Tell me in the comments!
