Last night, after a nearly five-month long hiatus, my favorite funny show returned to television: "The Office." Piled on our couches with our friends Jon, Heather, Grant, and Lila, we basked in the golden glow of our television set. We squealed (and then shushed each other) as the cold open began with all our favorite characters milling around their nondescript office area. We groaned and covered our faces in horror as Michael and Jan's disturbing relationship took a turn into painfully and awesomely awkward before their dinner guests' very eyes. We howled with delight as Dwight showed up with his straight-from-the-19th century former babysitter and explained their relationship as "strictly carnal."
Jim so desparate to leave that he nearly ditched Pam.
Serenity by Jan candles.
Michael's attempts at Charades.
The Dundee hurtled from Jan's insane hands into Michael's precious tiny plasma tv.
And then, AND THEN, AND SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU KIDDING ME:
"Hi, Dan here with your channel 4 Pinpoint Weather Alert. If you'll take a look with me here at Macon County up in Kentucky, you'll see some pretty serious storm clouds... now this spinning area on the radar is where we've had one person, excuse me, two eyes, (yeah, he seriously said that) that have spotted what may have been a funnel cloud formation."
So, let me get this straight, Dan from Channel 4. You interrupted the final minutes of my favorite show for this?! First of all, do the people in Kentucky not have their own weather people that could tell them this? Second of all, if it is, in fact, as bad as you are saying, then those people probably don't have power and can't watch you giving this report anyway. Third and most importantly, there was a commercial break THIRTY FREAKIN' SECONDS AGO... you couldn't have done this then?
It wouldn't have been so bad, honestly - I know it is their job - except he just kept going ON and ON. We were ten minutes into "Scrubs" by the time he finally wrapped it up. I could've given that report in about 15 seconds:
"Okay everyone, listen up. Look at this map. See all these red parts right here? Right, if you're in one of those, sorry, but it doesn't look too good. Get in your closets or basements (too bad no houses in the South even HAVE basements) or bathrooms right now. Folks in Bumpus Mills, PeeDee, Stringtown, Hackberry*, this means you. Now sit tight and I'll be back at the next commercial break."
*Names of REAL towns on the Kentucky/Tennessee border
See, would that have been so hard, DAN? Hmm? But nooooo, because of you and your great affinity for all your meteorologist technology, and because of Nashville's general tendency to freak the ef out any time it looks like it might rain hard, I don't know what happened once the cops showed up outside Michael's door. Did they take Jan off in the back of a squad car? Did Dwight pull out his spud gun in defense? Did Pam get back at Jim for trying to ditch her? Did Andy actually invest in Jan's candle company? I'll never know...
...until I watch it again online later today.
No comments:
Post a Comment