Holding Huddy

If you haven't picked up on it from my previous posts, Hudson is high-maintenance. He has like zero self-soothing skills, and so going to sleep is difficult for him. He has to be tightly swaddled and then he usually has to be held until he falls asleep before we put him down. Sometimes you have to sway or rock him and pat his little bottom. And of course, he needs his white noise.

Sometimes this is annoying. I find myself clock-watching, wondering how many minutes more I'll have to hold him before he'll be sound enough asleep to move to his swing. I think about how much easier it would be if I could just pop him in his crib when he started getting sleepy and then go about my business while he drifted off to sleep on his own. My arm gets sweaty from his hot little head and my back gets sore from leaning over him.

But then I am looking down at his sweet little face, and feeling how much he needs me, how he calms and rests in my arms, and how is it possible it is that he's already so long that his feet are falling off my lap?

Soon he won't need me to rock him to sleep. And I'm going to blink and it will be his first day of kindergarten. And then I'll blink again and he'll be graduating high school. Blink. His wedding day. Blink. I'm a grandmother. Blink. I'm an old lady at the end of my life, and I'm willing to bet I won't be thinking, "I wish I'd held my baby less."

We do want Hudson to have good sleeping habits. And in the next few months we'll be working on helping him learn those things, gently and lovingly.

But for now, I just want to cherish holding Huddy.